Used again time after time when my friends have pushed me outside of my comfort zone, whether it is being dangled by a rope at Calshot, made to go hiking across the lotchenpass glacier, or forced to drive a rib on the Solent (next to a bloody big cruise ship!). I am famous for excusing myself from being brilliant at adventure.
It's not that I don't enjoy the outdoors, or the element of risk and challenge - because trust me, I do. The problem is that I can never live up to those around me. I grew up in the shadow of this:
That's my brother.
Yes I do bang on about him a lot, but he actually is pretty cool. Which is coincidentally, why I am not!
My darling brother was a county level athlete at school for high jump and for running. He owned a pair of running spikes - he was pretty serious. He also made a name for himself in the world of kayaking - I remember watching him compete at the Outdoors Show (back in 2006!) and being genuinely terrified he would die. Since then he has competed in world competitions for his sport. He completed a BTEC in Outdoor Sport, worked at Sparsholt College, earned a BA Hons in Watersport Management, and coached some of the best paddlers in Ireland.
I really had no hope.
When we were younger, we used to take part in the scout kayak regatta - the only "sporty" thing that I ever won anything in - the doubles! My brother would go at the back and steer, and tell me to "just paddle as fast as you can" and undoubtedly we would always win that race. It has always been one of my favourite memories of my brother and I, because he treated me like a sporty person, even though I was as nerdy as they come.
Aside from my brother, I happen to spend a lot of time with "Alphas".
"The dominant male"
Most of my friends are alpha men. My brother is an alpha man. They gather together in alpha clusters, talking about things like climbing rope, their big audi engines, and welding things out of pure metal. They are strong, powerful, admirable. The kind of men that you want to be around when things go wrong as you get the feeling that they would protect you.
The downside of this, is of course, that they are naturally much better at anything outdoors than I am. They are better climbers, they are faster paddlers, they are stronger runners (except Dave, with his broken knees...)
(Sidenote: One example of this "Alpha Male-ism", I have just checked the weather for the weekend, it is due to rain - so the Alpha tells me "no such thing as bad weather, only unsuitable clothing" - typical Alpha response...)
So why on earth do I end up comparing myself to them?!
I hated taking part in sport as a child because I knew I would never be as good as my brother, and I hated the thought of losing or being bad at something. So I never tried. I failed to challenge myself in a bid to ensure safety and remaining in my nerdy little comfort zone (surrounded by books).
What I should have been doing, is challenging myself and comparing myself only by my standards.
Once I took some young people away for some adventurous activities - we took them on the 3G swing. The competition between them was fierce - one belittling another who didn't want to go to the top of the swing, saying "you ONLY went 50%" - what they should have been saying was "amazing, well done - I saw that you were worried about that and you went half way - that's fantastic"
We should encourage people to reach THEIR goals. Not to judge themselves by other people's standards. If we do that then we will never be happy. (I'm almost certainly never going to look like Kylie Minogue, so should give up and just look like the best me that I can!)
I smashed a 10k last week in 57:35, but I wasn't happy with my time because someone else did it in under 50 minutes. How insane is that!? 5 months ago I couldn't run for a bus, so I should be delighted that I can even run 10k without stopping.
If in your life, there are people who are saying "yea, but".... "you ONLY did this...".... my advice is to bin them off.
Do not get sucked in to believing you are not good enough.
Get out of that comfort zone.
Set a goal.
Meet it.
Set another one.
Challenge YOURSELF.
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