As I've got older, I've become much less materialistic - I don't really own much and certainly nothing of monetary value. My top three possessions are my Fitbit, my water bottle, and my ancient phone full of photographs. I don't have a flashy car or the latest iPhone, I don't own a decent camera, and to be honest I'm not interested in any of that.
So at the risk of sounding ungrateful, there's nothing I need for Christmas. One has let me choose and buy my own gift from him - a long sleeve, collared, bright pink running top. Other than that, there nothing on my list to Santa this year. Of course I have already had thoughtful and lovely gifts from students, colleagues, and family - and I'm sure I will be lucky enough to get a stocking on Christmas Day, and I am so thankful for all the wonderful things I have received and will receive.
But the greatest gift from each of you, is yourselves.
Thinking back on my year, I've had lots of ups and downs, and recently lots of downs. I've been called "ugly and thick" and had my confidence and self-esteem battered. I've been told I can't do something (even though on Monday I will be doing it!), and I've generally felt lost and alone. However, despite one or two people who seem intent on just being horrible and demeaning, there are many more people in my life who make it bloody awesome.
The best gifts I have had this year aren't things you can buy in a store, it's the time and compassion that friends and family have shown me. The gift of friendship and companionship - because it is a gift, no one has to be my friend or has to do anything for me, no one owes me anything, yet each of you have gifted me your company.
It's things like:
- coming over to make me a cup of tea and tuck me into bed (Emma)
- spending countless days wandering round the zoo, and riding the loser train (Karen)
- running through the forest with me in a moment of madness (Tom)
- finding a slot in a busy diary to have dinner with me (Ketch)
- letting me spend a day with you and your perfect puppies (Ad and Jen)
- not being embarrassed of me singing loudly in the garden centre (Amy)
- letting me spend all your 2p's on the arcades (Benjy)
- eating ice cream together after work (Y crew)
- going running with me and signing up to brutal (School friends)
- chatting to me every morning in my office (Bates)
- letting me come to your classroom for a hug and not asking why (Clarkson)
- making me a cuppa and letting me chat away on your sofa (Karen)
- making me a wooden medal holder from scratch (Dave)
- picking up my medication (Mum)
- texting me to see if I'm ok and to remind me I'm beautiful (Craig)
- skyping with me as often as possible and laughing a lot (Daniel)
- parkrunning with me even though I'm slow (Jim)
- snap chatting me when I'm feeling rubbish (Ollie)
- walking round winter wonderland even though it's actually a bit naff (Jake)
- letting me play duplo and read stories to the gorgeous boy (Naomi)
- laughing at my puppet shows (Elijah Bear)
- sending me a note to congratulate me on my MA (John)
- chatting to me way past the end of your working day to see if I'm ok (nursey)
Things that you can't put in a stocking, things you can't put a price on. Things that seem so little and insignificant to you, but make me a happier, better, and more well person because of it. These are the gifts I want most of all; the pleasure and joy of your company (so many more of you I could mention!), unfortunately not all of my friends made it to the end of this year, and I would just love one more coffee or one more chat with them, but it's not possible to reclaim that time that is now lost. So please, continue to give me the greatest gift of all, your presence - and in return, I will try to be less Grinch-like.
Merry Christmas x
