The one you have all been waiting for...

Yesterday I got back from Rome, having a last minute break in one of the most amazing cities in the world. I saw the colosseum, climbed to the top of St Peters basilica, and gazed in awe at the Sistine Chapel. I also drank a lot of wine, ate a lot of amazing food, and cried with laughter more than I can remember. 

But it's not the Ice bar, audio tours, or architectural wonders that made it a good holiday. They were pretty cool, but on my own they would have only been that. I was lucky enough to spend the week with one of the funniest, kindest, and most loving human beings that I know. You know you have a good friend when you can finish each other's sentences, sit in silence at dinner without it being awkward, and laugh hysterically at inappropriate times. I often joke that I only see him when we are away together, and that's ok because that's how our friendship works - him living at the other end of England means we don't spend that much time together, but when we do it's like we have never been apart. Craig is just one of the rocks in my life who makes me feel truly happy, and I am truly blessed to have him. Not only is he incredibly talented and hard working, but he makes me laugh uncontrollably and talks sense into me when I need it. 

Craig is not the only rock in my world, I am very fortunate to have a wide array of friends who mean everything to me. The last year (361 days if I am being precise) has not been my best, in truth it has been one of my worst. Filled with hurt, anguish, and grief. I have not been the bubbly and happy person I like to be, I have cried until my tears ran dry and felt a great deal of pain. 

Luckily for me there have been a number of people who have dragged me kicking and screaming through it, and this blog is an ode to those incredible individuals. 

One such lady is my best friend, who when I cried and couldn't get out of bed, would come and get into my bed with me instead. She is a beautiful and wonderful woman who is right now doing amazing things in Malaysia, and I miss her every day. She brings light to everyone she meets and is one of the warmest people I know. 

Another important person is my surrogate Mum, and one of my dearest friends. She has cooked for me, spent her Christmas and New year with me - building gingerbread houses and wearing onesies. She is always there with a cup of tea when I need it, and good for a gossip. She recently treated me to a trip to Bristol zoo, and a magical mystery tour of Bristol as well. This woman goes out of her way to make the lives of those around her as good as she can, and I am eternally grateful for her friendship. 

Then there's the one across the seas, who lives as far away from me as you could get. Admittedly it is often difficult to speak due to time differences, but thanks to Facebook, Skype, FaceTime, and whatsapp, we manage to talk as much as we can. I met this man three and a half years ago in Brazil, thinking we might be Facebook friends - but we are so much more. He knows the goings of my world and he says things in his funny accent to make me smile. Thank God for the internet that has allowed us to stay in touch and to grow our friendship.

There's my "bride to be" who has kept me busy with planning hen parties and looking forward to her wedding next weekend, where it have the great pleasure of being her maid of honour. She is a kindred spirit and we share beliefs and values which make our friendship very special indeed. 

I can't forget my main carer, who is soon to be a mum. She kicks my butt when it needs kicking, let's me eat ice cream and cooks amazing cupcakes for me. She helps me out whenever she can and I know she will be an incredible Mum. She's also letting me go on holiday with her husband next year (to the jamboree). 

I've also got my crew of lads, all studying at college or uni, but all finding the time to have a good old natter with me and help me at scout events. 

My work buddies - the NQTs and the GMs. Where would I be without them? They make going to school enjoyable, and feed me with cake and lunches... Table pie being my favourite. In return I sometimes do photocopying or displays, and at break times we catch up and have a giggle. They have become so much more than just work colleagues and I would be lost without them. 

The Y clan, what an incredible group of talented and passionate youth workers, like nothing you would find anywhere else. They inspire me and support me, they share long coffees with me and support my studying. Also, the YMCA dream team who make college that little bit easier just by being there and sharing in the dramas. 

The list could go on for hours, but I will stop there.

Life is not about being caught up in events that happen, but rather it should focus on the movement between these events which is supported by the rocks around you. 

I learnt this week that the pantheon is an incredible structure that is built on a roman style shock absorber, which is why it still stands after earthquakes and disasters. The only reason I still stand is because I have my shock absorbers all around me, in the form of a text or tweet, to a chat over dinner, or even a holiday. All the people around me have kept me upright and going strong. 

All I ask is that those of you reading this, take the time to thank those around you and show them that they mean the world to you. Hold on to the people who make your life great and not the moments that make it hurt. 

F.x

"Be the light"

Well, I have not blogged for a while - and one of my dear friends was asking when I next would write something... in order for me to blog I need to have something good to write about, so I figured that I would take stock of where things are as it is a New Year and a fresh start. 

Many of my close friends and family will know that 2013 was not a good year for me, for a whole number of reasons which ultimately meant I spent most of the year suffering from depression - the dark side of Bipolar Disorder. Thankfully, I have a very supportive network of friends and family who need to be thanked for dragging me kicking and screaming through the last few months. They know who they are, and without them I would probably still be sat drunk outside the bowling alley crying into my black patent stilettos because I could not work out how to walk down the steps... Well at least now I can look back and laugh at myself! 

2013 was not all bad, I did have some life changing experiences and some massive highlights - including going to the World Scout Moot in Canada and spending three weeks living with some truly lovely people. I also took my Special Needs group on a residential for the first time, and it was tough and challenging but it was truly incredible and has changed my whole relationship with the group and I now value and respect them even more. I have been truly blessed to have been able to work with some incredible young people last year, and have had some really good success stories of supporting young people into education and training and as a result I had the pleasure of getting my hair cut by a young man I used to support - he even remembered how I take my coffee and brought me chocolates.  On the subject of young people, one of my highlights of 2013 was being successful in applying for a postgraduate course at the YMCA. People who know me well will appreciate how difficult it has been for me to access postgraduate studies and that all of my career choices in the last few years have been crushed at some stage, so this is a massive deal for me and something I have really wanted to do. At the risk of sounding just a little too religious (for some of my friends at least), I really feel that I have been called to Youth Work and the course I am studying is one of the most amazing things in my life at the moment, someone once told me that if they cut me open I would bleed yellow and have "youth worker" written in my veins. 

At the moment I am reading a book by Kerry Young, called "The Art of Youth Work". I have to say that I love this book, and everything I read resonates within me. I have particularly fallen in love with the Ethics of Youth Work, and the argument that Youth Work is an exercise in moral philosophy. Reading about ethics in Youth Work, there is a strong school of thought that suggests in order to be an effective practitioner, the youth worker should have strong morals and act in such a manner that projects these. If the youth worker does not have their own set of values and beliefs which they hold in high esteem, then it could be said that they are unable to support young people to have values and morals. The idea of the professional passing on their beliefs to the young person is not what I am getting at, as that is morally unethical in my opinion. The role of the youth worker is to consider their own beliefs and support young people to explore and develop their own philosophical agenda. In order to support young people to develop this element of themselves, the youth worker must act as a role model and be able to show right from wrong and good from evil, and support young people to explore this for themselves. 

I recently attended the annual Christingle service at St John's in Fareham, where I have been going to church for a number of years. I love the Christingle, not least because they give you a flame to play with (once a scout, always a scout), but because it is a good way to remind ourselves what it is all about. In the service, one phrase I caught hold of was "Be the light", and I figured that there are two ways of producing light, either through being the light or through being a reflection of the light. 

This drew me back to my "Ethics in Youth Work", and the thought that in order to be a positive role model to young people, as a practitioner I have to be acting in a moral and true way. I have to be the light for young people, and light the path for them to take - then pass them the light and let them lead. 

Life is not only about being the light for young people, as in life there are always those who are suffering or in pain, and need a light to illuminate their pathway and show them the way. So my resolution this year, is to be the light for all of those who need it. In the true style of being a scout, I am going to make a concerted effort to do a good deed every day and to be selfless in doing so. If it is smiling at a stranger, or buying a sausage roll and cup of tea for the homeless man in Gosport, I urge you to consider those around you who have darkness in their lives and that you share your light with them. 

Without people being the light for me in the last year, I have no idea what state I would be in now. I have friends who do not know the amount they have done for me, and friends who I know will always be there for me, and that I am eternally grateful for - no amount of flowers or words can express how grateful I am and how much I love these people (you know who you are!)

So for 2014, I have three words: Shine, Love, Reflect. 

Be the light this year and change someone's life.