Nope. They don't measure it like that. I had the cholesterol "of a 70 year old man" and this one was thanks to my Dad's inherited good looks, charm, wit, and crap heart and blood. Unfortunately, Dad died when he was 38 from heart disease that was undiagnosed, so naturally I was a tad worried about death at this point. I was told to try and reduce it by exercise and healthy eating, so I gave running a punt. I hated PE at school, being as sporty as a brick and with a brother who mastered every sport going - competing in all kinds of competitions (world class now!). My lovely friend Ketch was very supportive and encouraging, and dragged me on the most painful bike ride of my life - not been on a bike since. I quite enjoyed running, but then they gave me some statins to take my cholesterol down, so I gave up with it as I didn't need to bother anymore.
In 2014 I had another blast at it, and entered the Pretty Muddy race for life - Ketch came to watch in the pissing rain and lightening storm, and insisted I got dunked as I wasn't muddy enough. I was pretty happy that I survived to be honest. Later on that year I did the colour run in southampton with Batesy, but I never really bothered to run in between and wish I had. I then didn't put on my trainers for a year.
I talked about running with great fondness, like a relationship that I wanted back. Jon set one of my Emlyn goals to be to run a 10k - I wanted 5 but he wasn't having it.
In October 2015 my gorgeous friend passed away, and I was devastated. I knew she was dying as she has an aggressive brain tumour, and I had cried and cried for months prior to her passing. On the day I remember going home and just getting into bed and sobbing my heart out.
At this point, I was all set to dive into my usual pre Christmas depressive period, being one of those that struggles with SAD (on top of the BAD). But I didn't. I dug out my pink trainers and went for a little jog.
I couldn't breathe, and had to keep stopping along the way. I think I managed about 3k in 25 mins. I was horrified. I was enormously overweight and hated my body, hated that my top kept riding up and that my flabby belly was bouncing all over the place. Friends suggested I went to parkrun, but I daren't because I didn't want people to see me.
I started to find solace in running, and my OCD took over. Graphs and charts, personal bests. It started to get exciting, and I could plug in and listen to music, blocking out the world. I ran with some others at times, some people who were great partners and very supportive, others whom I'm ok without running with again. I decided whilst bored at work that I would run to raise money for the hospice that Amanda was in, because she loved to run.
I picked 3 events, ones that I thought she would have approved of. The run for chocolate, the Santa run, and brutal. Luckily for me I have some epic friends who joined in, and the chocolate run was ably supported by the HSX ladies and Euan, who has been an inspiration to me. The Santa run saw me paint my face green on promise of making £400... So I went as the Grinch and again was pleased to see Euan in his Santa getup complete with sleigh. Mum came to watch and wasn't impressed that I ran so fast she didn't have time to get a coffee... I had told her I would take it slow, having been to the forest and ran a 10k with Tom the day before (we got stuck in the bog at the back of Ferny Crofts - I have never laughed and screamed so much!). I was desperate to try out my new trail shoes that I had bought in Dublin the day before - my super sporty brother and his super sporty girlfriend took me shopping and expertly kitted me out.
So then was the big one. Brutal.
Now, one thing you've should know about me is that I am a stubborn old cow, and no one tells me I can't do something. I had a Drama teacher who said I was crap at Drama and wouldn't get more than a C at GCSE - well, an A*, A at a-level, and 2:1 at degree level say different. So when someone tells me I can't do something, I make it my mission and revenge to prove a point. But I was nervous and anxious. Luckily, some brace souls from work joined me, the fab Emma, Jim, and Mary, and spouses! When we pulled in to the car park I thought I was going to be sick. All these super fit (gorgeous) men around, and me looking like a reject from Fame with my bright pink kit. But I strapped on the GoPro and gave it my best shot.... I screamed, I laughed, I bitched about the "waist deep water" (boob deep!!). I had the best time running that has ever been humanly possible. My time wasn't amazing, I stank and my poor charity vest is now stained brown from the mud. But I did it. I achieved something that I never thought possible, and I didn't give up.
This week, I ran my longest distance to date (12k) with the ginger boy, (I claim I'm his personal trainer as he is training with the OTC); I got a new PB at parkrun; I got a sub 30 5k; oh and I achieved an Emlyn goal with my first ever 10k event.
I ache.
I'm in pain.
But my emotional wellbeing has never been better!
They tell you that exercise releases positive endorphins and all that rubbish, but for me it is about beating myself at my own race, and proving that I'm good enough. I've lost 1st 5lb, I've got fitter and can actually have a conversation when I run now, but most importantly, I have survived my usual SAD dip. It was all on point to end up as it so usually does, with me feeling worthless, stupid, ugly, useless. All the planets had aligned to deal me that card. But I gave them all a two finger salute and did this for me and for Amanda.
I've still got a way to go, great south run is 16km so I need to start upping my distances... But the journey so far has been bloody fantastic. Euan, Tom, Tilly, Rosemary, Clare, Emma, Emma, Jim, Mary, Steph, Gav....you all rock. You inspire and motivate me, and have kept me sane and as well as possible. I've had some bad days, but who doesn't! I'd lost my confidence, my happiness, and my waist...and now those things are all back thanks to the support of my friends and the motivation to "just keep going".
Over £500 has been raised in memory of my gorgeous Amanda, and I've had some laughs doing it. Here's to a year of running and driving people up the wall with my irritating posts, sarcastic vlogs, and downright awesome iMovies.
www.justgiving.com/RunFi
