tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2970863593169143162024-03-13T11:42:26.670-07:00Philosophy of Fi...Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.comBlogger35125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-31928066639274185562016-12-24T17:13:00.000-08:002016-12-24T17:13:13.860-08:00The best gift of all<br />
I've just spent 5 days in France with my brother and Jen, taking this year's cumulative total up to 21 days (this is the most time I've spent with him probably in the last 8 years). Not because we don't like each other, but because he's lived in Dublin and now in rural France. It's hard to pop over for an evening. The time I spend with my brother is therefore very special.<br />
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He's a total douche, of course, but only in the way that a brother can be. Within 30 seconds of seeing him, he tried to trip me over. Going to the zoo and "pecking me", or making bird noises behind me. Taking the piss out of me like only a big brother is allowed to.<br />
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When we were kids I have really fond memories of my brother and I building dens and playing together. One day he made a spiders web across his room as a sort of assault course for me. Another time I couldn't get my Easter egg to break so he kindly kicked it against the wall (chocolate everywhere!). We camped out in his tent in the garden as kids, and played football in the park.<br />
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But as we got older, he moved away and work took him abroad. He dated some (awful) women and then settled happily with Jen and his tiny family in his tiny house in France. I stayed at home and focused on work and study, trying to earn as much as possible by working in as many jobs as I can so that I can travel often.<br />
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It's so lovely to see my brother, and spend time with him when I can - because nothing has changed. There's never a weird awkwardness, only the already awkward weirdness that I bring with me to every situation - that my brother is very much accustomed to.<br />
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Even though time moves on and our lives meander along - albeit his more like a raging torrent and mine like a trickle - there is nothing better than hanging out with your sibling. My first friend and my greatest protector. I'm so lucky to have a big brother - who has taught me so much and who I adore.<br />
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So this Christmas, the best gift is time spent with family. The ones who irritate you and annoy you, because they love you.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8KEtvfOsSeR7au0yR54nK8Ew8RGeUEuWE9tcJlkOJh5yLJ0dUmCW1jD2jQR8dEb53lywN32pGavdnQd5WhZxL49vDQyIK0UzKokm6GFy7vNwb-8E8NiaPzOf6_cApF7x5GwaYtcr6RpzI/s1600/blogger-image--2083322896.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg8KEtvfOsSeR7au0yR54nK8Ew8RGeUEuWE9tcJlkOJh5yLJ0dUmCW1jD2jQR8dEb53lywN32pGavdnQd5WhZxL49vDQyIK0UzKokm6GFy7vNwb-8E8NiaPzOf6_cApF7x5GwaYtcr6RpzI/s320/blogger-image--2083322896.jpg" width="247" /></a></div>
<br />Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-76554244674050242132016-09-19T15:00:00.001-07:002016-09-19T15:08:28.754-07:00You can't save them all....If I had a penny for every time someone has told me that I'm too attached to my work, or that I care too much about a young person, well I would be rich in money. <span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">But instead, I'm rich in life. </span><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">You will have read my blogs about young people changing my life, about why youthwork matters to me, and the importance of participation of young people. This one is more personal, this is about my feelings. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">I went to view a property today, and the estate agent cast judgement on me in one foul swoop "why would you want to do that?"...."you're brave, they're the most difficult age group", in response to my explanation of wanting two bedrooms and two bathrooms, one for me and one for the fostering, with a garden for the puppy. She also commented on how young I was, and asked me why I would want to do that at my age. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">Well, here it is. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">It's because I believe I can save the world. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-ApuGhMC-vSF6fkKPwafTsKE1Cr9VIcMhvOES4CyGZhyphenhyphenHIqFGfoje5yAOqEBWcMpGZHiN5vWEfjLi0XH33MvUngvIyt6wZszJF9ZqCkYF6j_62U9sZfBy-A5lubPE_iKDLvR926c6tusn/s640/blogger-image-873413763.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-ApuGhMC-vSF6fkKPwafTsKE1Cr9VIcMhvOES4CyGZhyphenhyphenHIqFGfoje5yAOqEBWcMpGZHiN5vWEfjLi0XH33MvUngvIyt6wZszJF9ZqCkYF6j_62U9sZfBy-A5lubPE_iKDLvR926c6tusn/s640/blogger-image-873413763.jpg"></a></div><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">Ok, over the last 5 months, I've cried more than normal. I've hidden away in my room and sobbed my heart out. The reason for this, is because I actually adore some of the young people I work with, and it breaks my heart when things don't go well for them. I'm pretty good at holding it all together most of the time, and will never show emotion in front of another professional (unless that person is a friend, of course). I'm very good at being the adult, using my theory based judgements, and advocating what i believe in. I'm less good at detaching myself from positive relationships that I have worked hard to build, based on authentic respect and trust, rather than coercion. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">I've been told by someone (trying to be helpful) that I need to stop caring and leave work at work. He's right, I do need to leave work at work, but if I stopped caring to allow that to happen, then I would be cheating myself. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">I live by the idea that there is good in everyone, and believe that everyone deserves an opportunity and a chance. It is part of my innate being to care. With this, my values are based on helping others, supporting them to succeed. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">Sometimes, however, they don't. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">Sometimes no matter how hard you try, how much effort you put in, how much time you give, sometimes, that person will make their own poor choices, and there is very little that you can do about it. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">But you've got to try haven't you. It's hard to tell with a fresh bunch of people, which ones will work with you, and which ones won't. It's impossible to spot the child that in a years time, will have really needed your support. We can't predict the future. That's why it is important to believe in all of them. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">If your starting point is a negative one, "I can't save them all", then the task of trying to pick one or two becomes overwhelming. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">Whereas, if you say "I can't save them all, but I'm going to give it my bloody best shot" then the possibilities are endless. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">So no, you can't save them all. But that isn't a reason not to try to. </font></div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-6165664465350961382016-09-13T14:42:00.001-07:002016-09-13T14:42:07.100-07:00Saudades<span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">"...is a deep emotional state of <a href="https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nostalgia" title="Nostalgia" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; line-height: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: none; text-decoration: none;">nostalgic</a> or profound <a href="https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Melancholia" title="Melancholia" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px; border: 0px; line-height: inherit; vertical-align: baseline; background-image: none; text-decoration: none;">melancholic</a> longing for an absent something or someone that one loves. Moreover, it often carries a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never return." </span><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I first came across this word in the country that changed my life: Brazil. It was here that I made some of the best relationships I have, with people from across the globe. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Saudades was once described as the love that remains after someone is gone. It's that aching, longing, deep sadness that sits in your stomach for weeks, months, years. It's that feeling that you think you crushed, but has secretly been lurking inside of you waiting for a trigger. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6rjDjvGGQ0zglQhyNe_AyzxtVbBxwCTgZjNHv6wP4NsfDEG1AGG7YbOCy1CoBVoRsxH-xwP1Cwh1xTCIiqbIzeMXrF84_lfHJf-wLRxGSXmhBVikXSLTIelquRgaXUe7vhRDQ89phr-Fg/s640/blogger-image-165429165.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6rjDjvGGQ0zglQhyNe_AyzxtVbBxwCTgZjNHv6wP4NsfDEG1AGG7YbOCy1CoBVoRsxH-xwP1Cwh1xTCIiqbIzeMXrF84_lfHJf-wLRxGSXmhBVikXSLTIelquRgaXUe7vhRDQ89phr-Fg/s640/blogger-image-165429165.jpg"></a></div><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Today I caught the scent of someone's aftershave, and that was that. I went back to that place, with that person, and then had this deep pang of despair as it clicked that they were gone. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">That's the problem isn't it, people can do that to you. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">But we need people. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Something that has been whirring through my mind today, is that I need someone. Not someone, because I'm desperately seeking love, quite the contrary I have come round to the idea that being a single person is a much easier life, but I need someone to listen to me. Everyone does. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">We all have good days and bad days, and go home to our loved ones and rant about what's gone wrong, who offer sympathy, support, and reassurance. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I had a brief text conversation with someone earlier, seeking reassurance, and all I got was a cold hearted response, telling me to sort it out. </span><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Not the kind of nurture and care that I give to people, therefore not the kind I appreciate in return. But who is there for single people to turn to, I mean, I'm fairly limited on people I can just go and visit and cry to, drinking copious amounts of tea. That's not because I don't have good friends, because trust me, I do. It's because they are busy getting on with life, and it's just not the same is it - maybe I miss that intense social relationship that I had with ex partners who might have nursed my emotional state at times like this. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Allegedly it is better to have loved and lost, than not to have loved at all. But if you don't know what you're missing, then you don't have the hurt? I'm not one for many relationships, I can count all my exes on 1 hand. The reason for this is because I don't cope well with the pain, the saudades that is left when inevitably things do not work out, and I get that phone call "we need to talk" (or worse). </span></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Someone told me yesterday that being single was awful, but it's not all bad. Ok I don't have anyone to pour my heart out to, or to snuggle into whilst I sob, or to wrap myself up in. But I do have independence. I am powered under my own steam. If I screw up, it's only me involved. </span></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">But independance isn't a substitute for human contact and care. On Saturday I didn't speak to anyone between 9am and 8pm. For someone who thrives on attention and socialising, this was not a good day for me. I've got a lot of stored up grief that I'm carrying around, and I need desperately to offload it - but there's no one there, and when there's no one there, what can you do? </span></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">So in my vulnerable state, when I caught this smell earlier, all I wanted to do was fall into this persons arms and cry. There was this deep feeling of being broken, and wanting to be hugged back together to make everything ok. (I didn't, for the record I pumped the music up loud in the car, and drove off with tears rolling down my cheeks).</span></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">But it's not like that in real life. People walk in, and people walk out. You rarely get a say on what happens, but have to deal with the aftermath yourself. </span></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">This is true across all relationships, family members, work colleagues, partners, children. People come and go. And it hurts. A lot. Especially when you catch a memory that makes you remember that person, and how it left you feeling. </span></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">The thing is, people remember the way you leave them feeling. They might not remember the words you used or the way you looked, but they remember the emotions attached to that moment or that person. </span></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">When someone catches a whiff of your perfume (dolce and gabanna por femme- for any of my admirers that want to buy me some more), how do you want that person to feel? Loved? Cherished? Cared for? Saudades? </span></font></div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-89942258939458579042016-09-06T14:23:00.001-07:002016-09-06T14:27:23.337-07:00Can you handle me...?So yesterday I went back to school, and by lunchtime had cried twice and looked at jobs pages. Not because I'm desperately unhappy, but the prospect of another new year and another 200 students to get to know filled me with dread. I genuinely don't know if I can do it again, the fourth year in a row of building new relationships and then letting go after a year. It's tough. It's tough on some of the young people and it's tough on me, because sometimes it's not just a job. <div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg80vQOucptW8Skm2jtzZ6QeYtFZBS4g9I8-F43XXHQj-JaZaw1uCk300HTcwrfQ_V7etqdyQQKZd3i_saN9FYgdAG57p22iAph8Yzu4B7v6TOp_oupkm25B4VOrRF288dYCCTGUfLMKVqw/s640/blogger-image--1912292776.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg80vQOucptW8Skm2jtzZ6QeYtFZBS4g9I8-F43XXHQj-JaZaw1uCk300HTcwrfQ_V7etqdyQQKZd3i_saN9FYgdAG57p22iAph8Yzu4B7v6TOp_oupkm25B4VOrRF288dYCCTGUfLMKVqw/s640/blogger-image--1912292776.jpg"></a></div><br><div><br></div><div>I've always felt that youthwork has been my vocation, it's not just a way to earn money (because if it is, I am in the wrong career), it's a way of life for me. I live and breathe youthwork. My very values and beliefs are founded upon the great practitioners: A.S Neill, Young, Bowlby. My holiday reading was "The Perception of Self in Everyday Life" - not your usual relaxing book. </div><div><br></div><div>I've been lucky enough to have a very colourful and humbling career so far, and worked with thousands of young people - some of which are transitory relationships, but some of which are true bonds and I have the privilege of being an attachment figure to. Some of these young people come and go with fleeting interventions, but there are a precious few who remain in your life and in your heart throughout your career. </div><div><br></div><div>The reason for this, quite simply, is that they changed my life more than I changed theirs. </div><div><br></div><div>Young people can be fickle, and one minute you're their favourite person in the world, and the next week they have forgotten your name. But even these short interventions have meaning. If you live and breathe what you believe, you can have an impact on a young person with just one meeting. </div><div><br></div><div>If you are lucky enough to have the opportunity to build a meaningful relationship with a young person, then you are on to a winner. When I started youthwork, a colleague gave me two pieces of advice:</div><div><br></div><div>1. If you put the time in, you will get it back</div><div>2. Keep every piece of feedback that a young person gives you</div><div><br></div><div>Well, I have kept every scrap piece of paper and note that a young person has written to me, every card, post it, and drawing are lovingly placed into a scrapbook I keep - in fact I have two full books now. Not only are these the most precious things I own, but they give me real comfort in that I do my job well, and that I'm changing lives which is what I set out to do. </div><div><br></div><div>As for putting the time in, it's amazing what results can be achieved with regular face to face contact and consistency. My values are based on honesty, integrity, and commitment. I always try to see the good in every young person, and sometimes it takes a while for that young person to show you that side, but if you give them the time to get to know you, they will. </div><div><br></div><div>It is a real honour to be able to care for other people's children, and to be trusted with that responsibility. People are quite judgemental of my decision to not have children, and when I tell them my dream is to be a foster carer, they don't all get it. But to me, it would be a real privilege to work with the young people who need my time the most. It's all I've ever wanted, and I am on a mission to get to the point where I can offer my own safe space for a young person to flourish and grow. </div></div><div><br></div><div>I was chatting late on Saturday night to a friend about my very specific plan, and at the end of my explanation, he stopped and paused, before turning to me and telling me I was amazing. That's the first time I have heard that and listened to it. That same day, a friend whom I respect enormously, told me "I happen to know that a whole lot of kids feel that you are their superhero". </div><div><br></div><div>I've never thought of myself as amazing or a superhero. I've always just stuck to my values and worked to the very best of my ability. I've given young people my time and remained consistent. I've nurtured them and tried to meet their needs, from their starting point. </div><div><br></div><div>One of these same friends shared a poem with me a long time ago, which is pinned to my wall. It is about the relationship between a father and son, but to me it encompasses my work and why I do it:</div><div><br></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif; -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I feel that the confusion inside of me</span></div><div><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My doubts and fears,</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Would shock you</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">If I brought them out.</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I know you know</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">All of that exists,</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And you know it exists in me,</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">But you would rather,</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Let it all remain anonymous.</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And so I am alone</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">With my uncertainty about God,</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My preoccupations with sex in a sex-orientated world,</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">My worries about my education and future,</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">The ambiguous relationship to you,</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And the difficulties with my friends.</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I know you are afraid to become vulnerable:</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">You would be embarrassed</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">To see another side of me</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And to show another side of yourself;</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And you don’t want our relationship to change</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Even though it is phony in parts;</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And above all</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">You want everything to remain predicatable</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Because you love your peace too dearly.</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">And so I have very little choice</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">But to keep everything inside of me</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">To try to work it out</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Alone</span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"> </span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>But if you let me talk,</b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>If you invited me to talk</b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>And could listen</b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Without being shocked</b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Without remaining aloof for your protection</b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Without immediately having all the answers</b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>(even though I think you have answers</b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>And good ones too)</b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Without playing therole of the knwoing parent,</b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>If you could enter into the process of my life</b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>And be beside me,</b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>Then</b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>That would mark the passage</b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>From father/son to father/friend</b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>And we could see each other in a new way:</b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b> </b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><b>We would be brothers.</b></span></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;"><br></p><p style="box-sizing: border-box; margin: 1.5em 0px;">You can be someone's superhero. You can change their lives. Let them change yours, I don't promise it will be easy, but I promise it will be worth it. </p></div><div><br></div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-52064849278234285082016-08-21T12:39:00.002-07:002016-08-21T12:39:48.492-07:00Mind over Matter<div style="color: #454545; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">
So, today I looked in the mirror for the first time in a long time, and thought that I looked ok. </div>
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Maybe not ok, maybe more than ok. </div>
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Strong.</div>
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I started running on the 1st November 2015. I used to run a year before, but it only lasted a couple of months. I'm nine months in now. I run a lot. </div>
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I only started running to avoid a meltdown. I needed to burn off the negative energy and deep sadness before it engulfed me; before I fell into the trap again. </div>
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People always say that exercise is good for emotional wellbeing. I've wondered though, for someone who can't get out of bed, how on earth would they get out to exercise. I believe now that the trick is to beat the black dog before it gets to that point. </div>
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Staying motivated is tough. Really tough. I run 5 times a week. It might not be marathons but it's always at least 25 minutes - that's the starting goal, anything above that is a gift. </div>
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One of my inspirations and guiding lights, is a good friend who is basically superhuman. He's faced adversity head on, and told it to "do one". He's always been very supportive of me, telling me that I can achieve anything if I put my mind to it.</div>
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That's the trick isn't it - putting your mind to it. The body will achieve remarkable things, but only if the mind allows it to do so. I hated PE at school because I believed I was bad at it. This time last year my three things I couldn't live without were my black patent stilettos, my phone, and my little black dress. Now it's a different story - I'm rarely seen without my Fitbit on, I've got my trusty 1l water bottle in hand, and my running shoes are always with me. </div>
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Funny how you can change your mind on things. </div>
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I cycled to my brothers last week, well, cycled approx 50 miles. When I got off the boat, I wasn't sure myself that I would be able to do it. I kept putting obstacles in the way - it's too hot, too far, I'm not fit enough, my bags are too heavy... But my mind kept focused on the target. My mantra, entrusted by my dear friend, "just keep going forward". It doesn't matter how slow you are, as long as you keep going. </div>
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Since being in France, I've cycled over 100 miles. I've been trying to distract myself; to forget about things. There's been some trauma recently and it needs to be unpacked. It's hard to forget things that hurt you, situations that challenge you, and people who move you. Sometimes, life can be really mentally tough and draining. That's when you need to use that energy for something else. I'm well known to embark on art projects when I'm not feeling my best; but now I have my other secret weapons - the bike and the running shoes. </div>
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Motivation is the key. There's a saying that if you do something for a certain period of time, it becomes habit. But trust me, no matter how long you run for, it's still a struggle to put on those shoes after a day when everything has gone wrong, you crawl in from work at 9:30pm, it's dark and it's raining. That's when the motivation needs to kick in. </div>
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My motivation has changed over time, the main goal is to avoid emotional disaster. However, alongside that has been: proving a point to a disbeliever, raising money for charity, wanting to beat my personal best, racking up the Parkrun total, and trying to work out what that extra something is. There are so many things that can motivate a person, the important thing is to grab hold of that glimpse of motivation - it may only last 5 seconds - but use those moments to your advantage. </div>
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Go out there and get what you want. </div>
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Life is too short to waste on "should I or shouldn't I" - the time you spend pondering is wasted time - make a decision, seize the moment and take responsibility for your life. </div>
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Empower your mind to take control. </div>
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Your mind is your greatest asset, and your worst enemy. </div>
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Who are you going to let win? </div>
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Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-59678159864548274662016-08-15T14:12:00.004-07:002016-08-15T14:12:52.598-07:00Look how they shine for you<div style="color: #454545; font-family: UICTFontTextStyleBody; font-size: 17px; text-decoration: -webkit-letterpress;">
Look up. Look at the stars. </div>
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When I was a kid, I believed that those I lost went to the sky and became stars. The stars have always been a sort of "guiding light" and held a comfort for me. </div>
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The stars are romantic, they are timeless and infinite; a certainty in life that there will be stars. </div>
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Stars shine every night, and I take comfort that somewhere in the world, someone else I know is probably looking at the stars the same as me. </div>
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Something that amazes me about stars is their power - they shine continually, and if one dies, a new star appears.</div>
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I was bought a star, so somewhere in the galaxy is my star with my name. I own a small piece of the night sky. </div>
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I used to be scared of the dark, but now I feel calmed looking up into the deep black oblivion. </div>
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Stars have been one of my favourite things for years, and I shared my stars with someone else. Staring at the sky, and catching a glimpse of some shooting stars - making a wish. </div>
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That wish didn't come true, in fact it backfired. </div>
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I saw a shooting star two days ago, and made the exact same wish. Not because I'm a fool, but because even if once your wish doesn't come true, that is no reason to give up. Sometimes things don't go the way you plan first time around, but you shouldn't let that dampen your fire. </div>
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Stars don't shine without darkness. </div>
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We all need a little darkness so that the light shines brighter, and so that you can see the value and beauty of it when it does. </div>
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Darkness isn't always a curse, sometimes it is a time of self discovery and reflection, to help you find your passion and reach for it once more. You mustn't let darkness engulf you, quite the contrary you should wander in it awhile and search for the light. </div>
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Just because my wish didn't come true last time, doesn't mean it won't ever. It's no good giving up on your wishes because then they have no hope. </div>
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I'm a romantic, and like poetry and philosophy, because feelings are real and meaningful. </div>
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You should never be afraid to look up, for a while I stopped looking at the stars because it hurt too much, but the first time I stopped and stared, I caught a glimpse of what could be, and how beautiful this universe really is; vast and glittering. </div>
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Don't ever be scared. </div>
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Look up. </div>
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Make a wish. </div>
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Don't stop looking up. </div>
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Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-14868900446007728082016-08-09T16:41:00.001-07:002016-08-09T17:14:09.988-07:00Get down from your towerBeauty and the Beast is my favourite Disney movie, I guess I relate to it - nerdy, rather plain brunette has the leading role, meets a brute of an animal and converts him to love, before uncovering that he is actually a handsome, charming prince. <div><br></div><div>As a young woman, it's kinda natural to always be dreaming about meeting Prince Charming and what your perfect wedding would be like. It's ingrained into you from the tender toddler years, where you're brought up on Disney princess movies - the helpless princess waits around for the handsome prince to come and sort her life out. </div><div><br></div><div>If I had a pound for every time one of my relatives, or friends asked me when I was going to "settle down and get married", I would have moved to Australia by now and married a hot surfer. But seriously, why is there such a huge demand for young women to be married - or even to be driven into being in a relationship? I've had no end of people telling me that "you'll meet the right one when you least expect it" - I haven't been expecting it for years and no one has swept in wearing shiny armour... A couple of muppets in tinfoil maybe... 😉</div><div><br></div><div>But why do people feel the need to comfort me on being single - I didn't realise it was such a hardship - being able to go out when you want, see who you want, spend what you want. Actually, I've got a sweet deal. Ok so I might never get valentines cards, a wedding, or flowers sent to my work - but does everyone need that?</div><div><br></div><div> It's like the children argument, people are persistent with about "when you meet the right one you will change your mind" - actually, I won't. I know I won't. So, stop trying to tell me otherwise. Don't get me wrong, I'm not heartless and a child hater, quite the contrary - I see myself as an auntie to the world, and I cannot wait to have children around, just not in the conventional way. The children I plan to have in my life are the ones who I know I can make a huge difference to, the ones who need my skills most. That would be a real privilege. </div><div><br></div><div>The older I get, the more I see my friends getting married and settling down, and the more I get quizzed about my personal circumstances. Just because the dominant discourse is to follow a certain route, doesn't mean that path is for everyone. In fact, I would much rather take a machete and make my own path than follow blindly the trail before me just because I felt I should. </div><div><br></div><div>I've been naively waiting around in my tower for a knight in shining armour to come along and save me, so that I can live out my days with Prince Charming. But life isn't like that.</div><div><br></div><div>Life shouldn't be like that. </div><div><br></div><div>Young women everywhere need to be empowered to believe that they can make it in this world without following what society is trying to dictate they should do. Young women need role models of strong females who have made it alone. Girls don't need guys to come along and save them, it's not the 1950s and women don't just exist to cook dinner for their man and produce children. </div><div><br></div><div>Victoria Pendleton is my favourite athlete, and she never relied on a man to win her races, she won through hard work and determination. </div><div><br></div><div>Yes I'm very happy for all my friends who are in healthy relationships and happy with children etc, but for those independent women out there - don't feel pressured to follow the crowd. You are your own person, and you do not need to have a man to qualify who you are. </div><div><br></div><div>Mutuality doesn't exist, there is always a broken middle and you don't have to do what everyone else thinks you should. Be more like Antigone, less like Sleeping Beauty. </div><div><br></div><div>Everyone else - stop pressurising women to fall into a routine - let them live out their dreams. </div><div><br></div><div>Princess, get down from your tower, and be the queen you were meant to be. </div><div><br></div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizOxPIVS1ucizVWfyH619DUFOJovgWpdblWgzTgQxclgf-Gg1ER3Sz_wVj6lqY3v64axoTHBuYOKXi-cNtSEGgHnt9RFn8cHlynTtdIZ1UHTiGuLMhOGxN70xsqx1Gn5wq4r8s66_4Al0L/s640/blogger-image-1490416124.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEizOxPIVS1ucizVWfyH619DUFOJovgWpdblWgzTgQxclgf-Gg1ER3Sz_wVj6lqY3v64axoTHBuYOKXi-cNtSEGgHnt9RFn8cHlynTtdIZ1UHTiGuLMhOGxN70xsqx1Gn5wq4r8s66_4Al0L/s640/blogger-image-1490416124.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-63627447737317684662016-07-30T16:02:00.001-07:002016-07-31T10:30:21.424-07:00All you need is love (please, don't start that again)Love. What even is it?<br />
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The internet tells me it is "a strong feeling of affection"</div>
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I've often wondered whether I have ever been in love, or if I just love things and people. </div>
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I've tried looking for love, and it's bitten me in the ass. I've tried to be more lovable, but realised I can't change my personality that easily. I've tried loving but at the end of the day, someone always gets hurt. On my birthday this year, I boldly told my friend that I would clearly never be getting married, so was going to have an amazing 30th birthday party instead, with the money I would have spent on a wedding. She laughed at me and told me not to be so morbid. </div>
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But maybe I'm looking at love all wrong. </div>
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Sometimes in life, just when you think things are going the well, someone throws in a curveball just to make it harder. That's when you find out what love really is. </div>
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Love isn't found in one person, if you invest everything in to just one person, and they screw you over, what else have you got? </div>
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Love is all around you. It's in the friendships and relationships you have with the people you choose to connect with. Ok you might not be in love with them, but you sure as hell can love them and feel loved back. </div>
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A drunk lady told me tonight that I was beautiful, and that whoever made me sad was not worthy (cue Thor reference that she didn't get!). She also told me that good friends are the most important things in life. She was right.</div>
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Friends are the people who truly love you, they choose to actively spend time with you and what do they get in return? - from me it's likely that I forget their birthday, don't text back, or get hangry when they're with me. But, they love me all the same. </div>
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That's special. </div>
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One of my favourite musicals has the quote "to love another person is to see the face of God". In which case, I am truly blessed. </div>
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I have an incredible, diverse, strong, caring group of friends. They're just there. If I need something, they have it sorted. If I need to go and angrily smash a football against a fence, that's covered. If I need to smile, they know how. If I just need unconditional love, it's done. </div>
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I have been very lucky in my life to have such incredible people around me, and whilst some are no longer here (and that really hurts), I reckon they've got my back and are looking down and keeping an eye. </div>
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It's the little things, the text conversations at midnight, bringing me my favourite flowers (pink gerberas, by the way), sending me a copy of a book to read, maintaining a snap streak with me, getting in to my bed and watching girly films... All those tiny actions add up to a great big pile of love. </div>
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And it's not just those people in my life, it's the younger ones too. Yes, I am famous for the phrase "I hate children", but that's just a cover up for something else (which is too sad to put on here - but please do ask in person if you're curious). I actually adore the small people. I had the best fun yesterday when I had the joy of bath time with a toddler, and having the opportunity to make him laugh by pretending to be scared of his book. He even knows my name and says it too. That for me is priceless. It's the slightly bigger small people as well, who whilst they have no belonging to me except in my professional world, have made comments "but I love Miss Durrant, she is my favourite" - well obviously - or the young person who has grown up into an adult, and tells you that you are like a parent to them (scary!) and you were the one consistent adult that made them get through some bad stuff. That's the real deal. I might not ever have my own children, but to care for any child is truly a gift. </div>
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Love isn't like it is in the films, it isn't all princesses hanging around waiting for Prince Charming (who I am told is a douche anyway). Love is the feeling that someone out there cares enough to give you a portion of their life, for nothing in return (or indeed negative equity if you are one of my friends - sorry).</div>
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Love is when your brother drops everything to see if you're ok, your cousin snapchats you (because that's what you do when you're a teenager), your adopted family put aside time in their diary for you to just be there. That's what love is. </div>
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So, my advice, stop looking for "the one" and start concentrating on "the many" as they are the ones who are going to be there no matter what, who accept you for your flaws (and I have many many flaws), and will stand by you til the end. </div>
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Love is patient, love is kind. </div>
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Love never fails. </div>
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Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-13679672606677588262016-07-25T16:17:00.001-07:002016-07-25T16:17:32.797-07:00The greatest giftI'm always late. I don't mean to be, it's just part of who I am. It's not because I am trying to be rude or offend you, it's because I ran out of time. <div><br></div><div>It happens a lot, but the reason I ran out of time is because I was giving it to someone else who needed it more than me. </div><div><br></div><div>Time is precious, and there is only ever a set amount of time:</div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">525,600 minutes in a year</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">86,400 seconds in a day</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">700,800 hours in a lifetime (assuming you live to 80)</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">My day starts at 6am, I get to work for 7:15am, I get home at 9:15pm after working two jobs. Others have referred to me as "busy" before now. I don't think that is a bad thing.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Someone once told me that the more time you invest, the more you will get back. Well, that person was right (even though that person was so wrong about a lot of things, I still give him credit for being one of the best youth workers I ever had the pleasure of working with). I keep this mantra in my mind during my day, and do my best to invest my minutes where it matters. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">When you work in a people focused job, it makes sense to use your time with those people rather than sat blankly behind a computer at a desk. Of course, sometimes you do need to type up notes or write important documents, but often there are people who need that time more than your computer. I have had the joy of perfecting the art of time management over the last few years, and when I made the decision to go back to working in education it was twofold - one because I wanted to study for my MA, but one because I never saw enough of the people I was meant to be supporting before, and for a youth worker it is important that you actually get to work with young people. Ok so maybe I wasn't mentally prepared for what is considered a life threatening situation by an 11yr old (being called a peasant/ losing your water bottle/ forgetting your homework) but irrespective of the scale of the situation to me, for that young person it is potentially huge to them. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">What I love about my job is the constant flow of young people to chat to, and each year getting new ones to get to know. By spending a small amount of time regularly with a young person, they build up trust in you, and you can become their secure base (see other blogs!). I worked with someone who had not confided in any adults, but after nearly four years of my constant nurturing, that young person chose to confide in me, ok it wasn't what I wanted to hear, but the fact that they wanted to share their story was huge for them. I'm pleased to say that this young person in particular is now a well adjusted adult and making their own way in their very successful life - not because of me, but because I gave them time. Time to learn to trust adults, time to ask questions and get honest answers, time to get to know me and time to be recognised in their own right as someone of worth. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">People wonder why I spend so much of my life with young people - well when there are so many young people in the world who need that extra adult to talk to, it's impossible to just turn them away. The time you give that person is extremely precious - once that time has been given, you can never get it back. That's probably why I believe in working in a job that makes you happy, because ultimately a lot of your time is spent doing it - I'm very fortunate that in my job I can share my time with people who value it and need it. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">I work early and stay late to do the boring stuff, so that as much of my time as possible is available for those who want it. You cannot predict what will happen in a day, but to be prepared to give someone a quantity of your time is a good ethos to live by in my opinion. By giving time, you are showing that you care; you are proving that someone is of value and is deserving of your time. Yes sometimes we all get a bit rushed off our feet, but in the moments of quiet, it is a time to step back and reflect on the good things that have happened because you went that bit extra, you gave all that you had, and you got an outcome. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">People connect when you give them the chance to. So, forgive me for my lateness but I was trying to share my time with those who needed it - whether it was a 10 second chat with the checkout person, or a heart to heart with a friend, giving them something that is non returnable is the best gift of all, and can change a life. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"> Time is precious, make sure you are using it properly. Don't waste it. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc1YN0I5A2duQ8K494q1FWsVHF_eWOqAE6DLWfl9uqs96Uy2BQnu5Mqc34_If2C0w9kzXomsTdlWt7fQAqKCilUhcaFQm6vRin-WDpNOYRszx8u4ZMqAfcRlIwsswNNouS3DbSS8wt3Ebk/s640/blogger-image-280211213.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgc1YN0I5A2duQ8K494q1FWsVHF_eWOqAE6DLWfl9uqs96Uy2BQnu5Mqc34_If2C0w9kzXomsTdlWt7fQAqKCilUhcaFQm6vRin-WDpNOYRszx8u4ZMqAfcRlIwsswNNouS3DbSS8wt3Ebk/s640/blogger-image-280211213.jpg"></a></div><br></span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-44966415051889933652016-06-26T14:54:00.001-07:002016-06-26T14:56:39.803-07:00Love WinsSo as I woke up on Friday morning, I could hardly believe what I was reading. Britain had decided to leave the EU. I was feeling angry, betrayed, and let down by a government which I didn't vote for, and a result I didn't want. I cried and cried all the way to work, and then spent my morning dealing with young people who were heartbroken because they were scared of what will happen next, worried they would be deported, and simply devastated that the UK might not help people who need it from other countries. <div><br></div><div>Without wanting to turn this into a strongly political blog (although those who know me will be well aware of my string viewpoints!), I simply could not believe that we as a country had allowed this to happen - scaremongering tactics being used which have made children feel unsafe. As a professional who works with young people, I am devastated by the effect that the political discourse has had on our young people. It is simply not right for them to feel scared in their own country for fear of deportation. The United Nations convention on the rights of the child states such that children have a right to be protected from discrimination, a right to their identity, and a right to have their views taken seriously if a decision affects them (as a side point, at what age should a young person therefore vote?). </div><div><br></div><div>I travelled to London on Saturday, and as I walked past Westminster I was deeply saddened, wondering if they knew the hurt that some of our young people are feeling. What saddens me more is that I can offer no words of comfort to them about their futures, about whether they will need visas or citizenship, because I simply do not know the answers, and I don't think anyone does. </div><div><br></div><div>However, later in the day I was privileged to be able to be a part of the parade at Pride. I can honestly say my faith in humanity was somewhat restored by this event - yes there were protesters however a small minority in a sea of people. Yesterday, London came together to show unity, equality, and respect. For me, Pride is about showing the world what a great diverse nation we are, and that we respect and support each other's differences. I stood alongside friends who I knew had personally battled with their sexuality or gender, for fear of repercussion. It should not be the case that anyone fears being themself for any reason. I am extremely proud of my friends who have the courage to be themselves in a world that can be brutal. </div><div><br></div><div>In a world where Brexit has divided the country, and a small marginalised group of people have hijacked the leave campaign and had the dominant discourse around "kicking people out of the country" - let's remember that the majority of people in the UK are tolerant, supportive, and decent humans. Let's not let those narrow minded people cause our future generation to feel scared and unsafe - let's remind the young people that we work with that one of the greatest human emotions is love, and let's teach that to those we come into contact with. Yes some people are unhappy with the outcome of the referendum, I sure enough am gutted. However, what's important is that we do not let this ruin our communities, it is our duty to ensure that young people feel safe no matter what their beliefs, culture, or sexuality. It's important that we teach them that Love Wins, and in doing so we create a positive culture for the future, with more accepting and diverse communities than ever before. </div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-63471648120221605172016-06-19T14:32:00.001-07:002016-06-19T14:32:43.811-07:00Happy care giver attachments day....Today as I scroll down my Facebook feed, I'm inundated with photos of my friends and their fathers, or their children and their daddies. It's a lovely sight, although it tinges me with sadness and jealousy - I lost my Dad when I was 11, but in those 11 years he was pretty much the perfect ideal of a Dad and exactly what I would want my hypothetical children to have for their hypothetical father (note - I'm not having children). <div><br></div><div>My Dad was kind, funny, silly, gentle. He was a proper "manly man" with a love for fixing things, motorbikes, cars, cooking up a BBQ, and carrying me high on his shoulders. I was most certainly a "Daddy's little princess" and spoilt with his time, love, and happiness. </div><div><br></div><div>It pains me to realise that my Dad has missed, and indeed will miss, important milestones in my life: passing my driving test, grilling over my boyfriends, graduation (x2!), birthdays, marriage, first dog...</div><div><br></div><div>It actually breaks my heart when I think of the wedding day that I have always dreamed of (which girl hasn't!) and know that it would be one of the most difficult and hurt filled days because my Dad will never be there to walk me down the aisle. </div><div><br></div><div>Missing out on my Dad in my teenage and young adult years was tough, and whilst no one can replace him or fill that hole in my heart, there have been some amazing people in my life who have made me feel loved and special, and who have celebrated those milestones with me. These are my attachment figures whom I am dedicating Father's Day to each year. </div><div><br></div><div>When we are born, we build attachments with the key care givers in our lives - usually Mum is the main attachment figure that a child has. This is related to the child recognising and learning that this figure will provide comfort for them - there was an experiment with monkeys in the 1950s where the monkeys attached themselves to fake mothers (machines) that provided food for them. There are numerous experiments that show different types of attachment that children have, some positive, some ambivalent, some poor. The underlying key to a positive attachment is that the person provides care and that the child learns that and can be soothed by that person. Attachment behaviours are where a person attains or maintains proximity to another identified individual, whom they perceive as being better able to cope with the world and therefore becomes their secure base.</div><div><br></div><div>There are many theories related to attachment and social bonds; a<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">ttachment can be considered as an affectional bond, which is not synonymous with a relationship as relationships are seen as more transitory and bonds are characteristic of a person and linked to their internal organisation. There is an argument that professionals can be seen as attachment figures, and Ainsworth describes these as emerging attachments - they may become consolidated however in a professional context, the relationship may be of short duration so the young person may not fully attach - although if someone spends significant amount of time in a care giving context with a child they may become their main attachment figure - for the bond is formed through care giving. </span></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;"><br></span></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">With this in mind, I am very fortunate to have a number of care givers in my life who have helped me through very difficult times and have been there celebrating the highs with me along the way. Some of these people come and go in life, but there are a few who remain as constant people, who you spend a large amount of time with or a small amount of time - it doesn't matter all that matters is that they care. One example in my mind is someone who I have known for nearly 6 years, who treats me with kindness and thoughtfulness - spending time with me when I need it, offering careers advice, sending reminders and congratulations when I do something well, the kind of person who just cares about me and makes me feel loved, valued, and unique. These are the ones you should hold on to. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">It massively sucks not having my actual Dad here every Father's Day, but I am so truly blessed to have so many other people watching out for me and looking over me. People wonder why I do the work I do, particularly after very difficult days, and why I get so stressed and worried about my young people - well it's because I care. Some young people unfortunately do not have caring adults in their lives, and for those individuals if I can be the person that cares about them and enables them to feel wanted and special, then surely I have done my job right. It costs nothing to ask someone how their day has been, or to share your lunch with someone. It takes nothing but time to listen to someone, to potentially change their outlook on themself and their life. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif">You may not feel important to the world, but to one person you could be their world - you could be their secure base. </font></div><div><font face="Helvetica Neue Light, HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif"><br></font></div><div><span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">Hold on to that, it's a real privilege to be that person. </span></div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-27983819064849650642016-03-24T17:08:00.001-07:002016-03-24T17:08:56.956-07:00Challenge Yourself... "I'm not built for adventure" is one of my most famous sayings among my friends. Used first in Snowdonia, when trying to climb down the Devil's Kitchen:<br />
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<img height="240" src="http://www.pictures.walesdirectory.co.uk/Walks/Walk-3-6-B.jpg" width="320" /><br />
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Used again time after time when my friends have pushed me outside of my comfort zone, whether it is being dangled by a rope at Calshot, made to go hiking across the lotchenpass glacier, or forced to drive a rib on the Solent (next to a bloody big cruise ship!). I am famous for excusing myself from being brilliant at adventure.<br />
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It's not that I don't enjoy the outdoors, or the element of risk and challenge - because trust me, I do. The problem is that I can never live up to those around me. I grew up in the shadow of this:<br />
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<img src="http://assets.hookit.com/RFS/2009/11/10/cc4be5a1-ab6f-4d3b-b69c-b4c9cbf5b9a7.jpg?size=240&crop=true&bgcolor=000000" /><br />
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That's my brother.<br />
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Yes I do bang on about him a lot, but he actually is pretty cool. Which is coincidentally, why I am not!<br />
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My darling brother was a county level athlete at school for high jump and for running. He owned a pair of running spikes - he was pretty serious. He also made a name for himself in the world of kayaking - I remember watching him compete at the Outdoors Show (back in 2006!) and being genuinely terrified he would die. Since then he has competed in world competitions for his sport. He completed a BTEC in Outdoor Sport, worked at Sparsholt College, earned a BA Hons in Watersport Management, and coached some of the best paddlers in Ireland.<br />
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I really had no hope.<br />
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When we were younger, we used to take part in the scout kayak regatta - the only "sporty" thing that I ever won anything in - the doubles! My brother would go at the back and steer, and tell me to "just paddle as fast as you can" and undoubtedly we would always win that race. It has always been one of my favourite memories of my brother and I, because he treated me like a sporty person, even though I was as nerdy as they come.<br />
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Aside from my brother, I happen to spend a lot of time with "Alphas".<br />
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"The dominant male"<br />
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Most of my friends are alpha men. My brother is an alpha man. They gather together in alpha clusters, talking about things like climbing rope, their big audi engines, and welding things out of pure metal. They are strong, powerful, admirable. The kind of men that you want to be around when things go wrong as you get the feeling that they would protect you.<br />
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The downside of this, is of course, that they are naturally much better at anything outdoors than I am. They are better climbers, they are faster paddlers, they are stronger runners (except Dave, with his broken knees...)<br />
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(Sidenote: One example of this "Alpha Male-ism", I have just checked the weather for the weekend, it is due to rain - so the Alpha tells me "no such thing as bad weather, only unsuitable clothing" - typical Alpha response...)<br />
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So why on earth do I end up comparing myself to them?!<br />
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I hated taking part in sport as a child because I knew I would never be as good as my brother, and I hated the thought of losing or being bad at something. So I never tried. I failed to challenge myself in a bid to ensure safety and remaining in my nerdy little comfort zone (surrounded by books).<br />
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What I should have been doing, is challenging myself and comparing myself only by my standards.<br />
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Once I took some young people away for some adventurous activities - we took them on the 3G swing. The competition between them was fierce - one belittling another who didn't want to go to the top of the swing, saying "you ONLY went 50%" - what they should have been saying was "amazing, well done - I saw that you were worried about that and you went half way - that's fantastic"<br />
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We should encourage people to reach THEIR goals. Not to judge themselves by other people's standards. If we do that then we will never be happy. (I'm almost certainly never going to look like Kylie Minogue, so should give up and just look like the best me that I can!)<br />
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I smashed a 10k last week in 57:35, but I wasn't happy with my time because someone else did it in under 50 minutes. How insane is that!? 5 months ago I couldn't run for a bus, so I should be delighted that I can even run 10k without stopping.<br />
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If in your life, there are people who are saying "yea, but".... "you ONLY did this...".... my advice is to bin them off.<br />
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Do not get sucked in to believing you are not good enough.<br />
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Get out of that comfort zone.<br />
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Set a goal.<br />
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Meet it.<br />
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Set another one.<br />
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Challenge YOURSELF.<br />
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<br />Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-31841249398753162522016-01-03T11:52:00.001-08:002016-01-03T12:21:21.268-08:00How running saved my life....Ok let's rewind a bit.... 2013, I was diagnosed with <span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Familial Hypercholesterolaemia - that's high cholesterol to you and me. I went to the doctors because I wasn't feeling well and they wanted to rule out Thyroid (great thyroid issues on Mum's side of the family) so they took a load of blood, and then got me back to say I had a cholesterol of 8. "Great, 8 out of 10 is ok yea?"</span><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">Nope. They don't measure it like that. I had the cholesterol "of a 70 year old man" and this one was thanks to my Dad's inherited good looks, charm, wit, and crap heart and blood. Unfortunately, Dad died when he was 38 from heart disease that was undiagnosed, so naturally I was a tad worried about death at this point. I was told to try and reduce it by exercise and healthy eating, so I gave running a punt. I hated PE at school, being as sporty as a brick and with a brother who mastered every sport going - competing in all kinds of competitions (world class now!). My lovely friend Ketch was very supportive and encouraging, and dragged me on the most painful bike ride of my life - not been on a bike since. I quite enjoyed running, but then they gave me some statins to take my cholesterol down, so I gave up with it as I didn't need to bother anymore. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">In 2014 I had another blast at it, and entered the Pretty Muddy race for life - Ketch came to watch in the pissing rain and lightening storm, and insisted I got dunked as I wasn't muddy enough. I was pretty happy that I survived to be honest. Later on that year I did the colour run in southampton with Batesy, but I never really bothered to run in between and wish I had. I then didn't put on my trainers for a year.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);">I talked about running with great fondness, like a relationship that I wanted back. Jon set one of my Emlyn goals to be to run a 10k - I wanted 5 but he wasn't having it. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: rgba(255, 255, 255, 0);"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">In October 2015 my gorgeous friend passed away, and I was devastated. I knew she was dying as she has an aggressive brain tumour, and I had cried and cried for months prior to her passing. On the day I remember going home and just getting into bed and sobbing my heart out. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">At this point, I was all set to dive into my usual pre Christmas depressive period, being one of those that struggles with SAD (on top of the BAD). But I didn't. I dug out my pink trainers and went for a little jog. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I couldn't breathe, and had to keep stopping along the way. I think I managed about 3k in 25 mins. I was horrified. I was enormously overweight and hated my body, hated that my top kept riding up and that my flabby belly was bouncing all over the place. Friends suggested I went to parkrun, but I daren't because I didn't want people to see me. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I started to find solace in running, and my OCD took over. Graphs and charts, personal bests. It started to get exciting, and I could plug in and listen to music, blocking out the world. I ran with some others at times, some people who were great partners and very supportive, others whom I'm ok without running with again. I decided whilst bored at work that I would run to raise money for the hospice that Amanda was in, because she loved to run. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I picked 3 events, ones that I thought she would have approved of. The run for chocolate, the Santa run, and brutal. Luckily for me I have some epic friends who joined in, and the chocolate run was ably supported by the HSX ladies and Euan, who has been an inspiration to me. The Santa run saw me paint my face green on promise of making £400... So I went as the Grinch and again was pleased to see Euan in his Santa getup complete with sleigh. Mum came to watch and wasn't impressed that I ran so fast she didn't have time to get a coffee... I had told her I would take it slow, having been to the forest and ran a 10k with Tom the day before (we got stuck in the bog at the back of Ferny Crofts - I have never laughed and screamed so much!). I was desperate to try out my new trail shoes that I had bought in Dublin the day before - my super sporty brother and his super sporty girlfriend took me shopping and expertly kitted me out. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaF_k05h6-nV1P5_ZcFXHej5S3g56ccvE6FiLqb2k4Pl6b6d0KlkZF_TzKUnLDiAhifiDlnH_k0181p5KX6RO7fcb6i3VqN5vVuDKCqac1ESNnYsHpxbeaSBrm1utq_pZ2e7zl1DRgeEqL/s640/blogger-image--370613581.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgaF_k05h6-nV1P5_ZcFXHej5S3g56ccvE6FiLqb2k4Pl6b6d0KlkZF_TzKUnLDiAhifiDlnH_k0181p5KX6RO7fcb6i3VqN5vVuDKCqac1ESNnYsHpxbeaSBrm1utq_pZ2e7zl1DRgeEqL/s640/blogger-image--370613581.jpg"></a></div><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">So then was the big one. Brutal. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Now, one thing you've should know about me is that I am a stubborn old cow, and no one tells me I can't do something. I had a Drama teacher who said I was crap at Drama and wouldn't get more than a C at GCSE - well, an A*, A at a-level, and 2:1 at degree level say different. So when someone tells me I can't do something, I make it my mission and revenge to prove a point. But I was nervous and anxious. Luckily, some brace souls from work joined me, the fab Emma, Jim, and Mary, and spouses! When we pulled in to the car park I thought I was going to be sick. All these super fit (gorgeous) men around, and me looking like a reject from Fame with my bright pink kit. But I strapped on the GoPro and gave it my best shot.... I screamed, I laughed, I bitched about the "waist deep water" (boob deep!!). I had the best time running that has ever been humanly possible. My time wasn't amazing, I stank and my poor charity vest is now stained brown from the mud. But I did it. I achieved something that I never thought possible, and I didn't give up. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd2bndUpLsW1cw7vjja2C7HXZGdnbG582huTUWlsmwYYdb8baZtlRqmvD8G8kY14DwRVN7aBJRsm5lWOJV36QVAqfAH8fG9JjIKgPBSdEhSJt3AV7s0BUk6CXXdMpHPifGfgKR2FEdsH2q/s640/blogger-image--2020831545.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhd2bndUpLsW1cw7vjja2C7HXZGdnbG582huTUWlsmwYYdb8baZtlRqmvD8G8kY14DwRVN7aBJRsm5lWOJV36QVAqfAH8fG9JjIKgPBSdEhSJt3AV7s0BUk6CXXdMpHPifGfgKR2FEdsH2q/s640/blogger-image--2020831545.jpg"></a></div><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">This week, I ran my longest distance to date (12k) with the ginger boy, (I claim I'm his personal trainer as he is training with the OTC); I got a new PB at parkrun; I got a sub 30 5k; oh and I achieved an Emlyn goal with my first ever 10k event. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGZDWzyewSfWxWwXBs3WRz5e4fve2SHKsMfbyQ6kKezvJyb8imYW4pJgSSjQ8zaTgF54SEQiX0v4l8AeQOhmA19i0UEMUouzg0fx4vP1-zXaeWDNo2Oriro-HMAHG737n4oE8H1YNfkVX6/s640/blogger-image-782566569.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGZDWzyewSfWxWwXBs3WRz5e4fve2SHKsMfbyQ6kKezvJyb8imYW4pJgSSjQ8zaTgF54SEQiX0v4l8AeQOhmA19i0UEMUouzg0fx4vP1-zXaeWDNo2Oriro-HMAHG737n4oE8H1YNfkVX6/s640/blogger-image-782566569.jpg"></a></div><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I ache.</span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I'm in pain. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">But my emotional wellbeing has never been better! </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">They tell you that exercise releases positive endorphins and all that rubbish, but for me it is about beating myself at my own race, and proving that I'm good enough. I've lost 1st 5lb, I've got fitter and can actually have a conversation when I run now, but most importantly, I have survived my usual SAD dip. It was all on point to end up as it so usually does, with me feeling worthless, stupid, ugly, useless. All the planets had aligned to deal me that card. But I gave them all a two finger salute and did this for me and for Amanda. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">I've still got a way to go, great south run is 16km so I need to start upping my distances... But the journey so far has been bloody fantastic. Euan, Tom, Tilly, Rosemary, Clare, Emma, Emma, Jim, Mary, Steph, Gav....you all rock. You inspire and motivate me, and have kept me sane and as well as possible. I've had some bad days, but who doesn't! I'd lost my confidence, my happiness, and my waist...and now those things are all back thanks to the support of my friends and the motivation to "just keep going". </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">Over £500 has been raised in memory of my gorgeous Amanda, and I've had some laughs doing it. Here's to a year of running and driving people up the wall with my irritating posts, sarcastic vlogs, and downright awesome iMovies. </span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivg4trZF9Hz1ort9IWWMsmPLe2Dr-5clLEv5LOjBMlM7tPkwVqLz7ZI6ELNXF3j1VZ53yNuZrjXlUK2tDjhwvcW7cOgamq36S2iFZ33YX1nazW0O5loomtI9CfrPuF_Qqtfzr9a9ToU5kS/s640/blogger-image-1890677614.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEivg4trZF9Hz1ort9IWWMsmPLe2Dr-5clLEv5LOjBMlM7tPkwVqLz7ZI6ELNXF3j1VZ53yNuZrjXlUK2tDjhwvcW7cOgamq36S2iFZ33YX1nazW0O5loomtI9CfrPuF_Qqtfzr9a9ToU5kS/s640/blogger-image-1890677614.jpg"></a></div><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;"><br></span></div><div><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto;">www.justgiving.com/RunFi </span></div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-16546067138288298892015-12-23T19:25:00.001-08:002016-03-07T11:56:08.759-08:00Present, not presentsSo, I'm the first to admit I hate Christmas. Nothing to do with the actual holiday itself, but it's not a good time of year for me - unfortunately my dear Dad passed away during December 1999, and since then the holiday season has always been hard for me. So when someone asks "what would you like for Christmas?", the truth is, I want one more day with my Dad. But I know I can't have that.<div><br></div><div>As I've got older, I've become much less materialistic - I don't really own much and certainly nothing of monetary value. My top three possessions are my Fitbit, my water bottle, and my ancient phone full of photographs. I don't have a flashy car or the latest iPhone, I don't own a decent camera, and to be honest I'm not interested in any of that.</div><div><br></div><div>So at the risk of sounding ungrateful, there's nothing I need for Christmas. One has let me choose and buy my own gift from him - a long sleeve, collared, bright pink running top. Other than that, there nothing on my list to Santa this year. Of course I have already had thoughtful and lovely gifts from students, colleagues, and family - and I'm sure I will be lucky enough to get a stocking on Christmas Day, and I am so thankful for all the wonderful things I have received and will receive. </div><div><br></div><div>But the greatest gift from each of you, is yourselves.</div><div><br></div><div>Thinking back on my year, I've had lots of ups and downs, and recently lots of downs. I've been called "ugly and thick" and had my confidence and self-esteem battered. I've been told I can't do something (even though on Monday I will be doing it!), and I've generally felt lost and alone. However, despite one or two people who seem intent on just being horrible and demeaning, there are many more people in my life who make it bloody awesome.</div><div><br></div><div>The best gifts I have had this year aren't things you can buy in a store, it's the time and compassion that friends and family have shown me. The gift of friendship and companionship - because it is a gift, no one has to be my friend or has to do anything for me, no one owes me anything, yet each of you have gifted me your company. </div><div><br></div><div>It's things like:</div><div>- coming over to make me a cup of tea and tuck me into bed (Emma)</div><div>- spending countless days wandering round the zoo, and riding the loser train (Karen)</div><div>- running through the forest with me in a moment of madness (Tom)</div><div>- finding a slot in a busy diary to have dinner with me (Ketch)</div><div>- letting me spend a day with you and your perfect puppies (Ad and Jen)</div><div>- not being embarrassed of me singing loudly in the garden centre (Amy)</div><div>- letting me spend all your 2p's on the arcades (Benjy)</div><div>- eating ice cream together after work (Y crew)</div><div>- going running with me and signing up to brutal (School friends)</div><div>- chatting to me every morning in my office (Bates)</div><div>- letting me come to your classroom for a hug and not asking why (Clarkson)</div><div>- making me a cuppa and letting me chat away on your sofa (Karen)</div><div>- making me a wooden medal holder from scratch (Dave)</div><div>- picking up my medication (Mum)</div><div>- texting me to see if I'm ok and to remind me I'm beautiful (Craig)</div><div>- skyping with me as often as possible and laughing a lot (Daniel)</div><div>- parkrunning with me even though I'm slow (Jim)</div><div>- snap chatting me when I'm feeling rubbish (Ollie)</div><div>- walking round winter wonderland even though it's actually a bit naff (Jake)</div><div>- letting me play duplo and read stories to the gorgeous boy (Naomi)</div><div>- laughing at my puppet shows (Elijah Bear)</div><div>- sending me a note to congratulate me on my MA (John) </div><div>- chatting to me way past the end of your working day to see if I'm ok (nursey)</div><div><br></div><div>Things that you can't put in a stocking, things you can't put a price on. Things that seem so little and insignificant to you, but make me a happier, better, and more well person because of it. These are the gifts I want most of all; the pleasure and joy of your company (so many more of you I could mention!), unfortunately not all of my friends made it to the end of this year, and I would just love one more coffee or one more chat with them, but it's not possible to reclaim that time that is now lost. So please, continue to give me the greatest gift of all, your presence - and in return, I will try to be less Grinch-like.</div><div><br></div><div>Merry Christmas x</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6CKb26hyIgBeYT8tjoCZSpyeDepG6GN_9OMwtYWx3poQxpUsbWgk3cs7n5aGTuVnGdkBINvVwkKJUp7CZY5fZmPVwNIXG-Y0VAXIicCR6i9XzVIXQz7WFj2NixVaI5lad1agaZ0Gmlit2/s640/blogger-image--2083322896.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi6CKb26hyIgBeYT8tjoCZSpyeDepG6GN_9OMwtYWx3poQxpUsbWgk3cs7n5aGTuVnGdkBINvVwkKJUp7CZY5fZmPVwNIXG-Y0VAXIicCR6i9XzVIXQz7WFj2NixVaI5lad1agaZ0Gmlit2/s640/blogger-image--2083322896.jpg"></a></div><br></div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-27701571793594750082015-11-04T14:30:00.001-08:002016-03-07T11:56:22.085-08:00Have courage and be kind, always.A quote from one of my favourite films, about one of my favourite female protagonists. Cinderella.<br>
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Poor old Cinderella was put through the mill wasn't she, with her Mum dying, and then her Dad. Leaving her as a young woman to live with her stepmother and step sisters. None of which were particularly nice people. </div>
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However, despite this, she comes out on top. </div>
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Whilst she was suffering and grieving, she was always kind to the people in her life. She did the chores without arguing back, she washed the clothes, she swept the chimneys. She took the abuse and tolerated the unkind words from the people she lived with. Not once did she kick off, argue, or run away. </div>
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To many, Cinderella seems such a weakling. She should have just got up and gone, right? </div>
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Probably; it might have helped her to grow and develop and find herself. It would certainly have changed her path and her future. Had she left, she may not have been the person that Prince Charming met, and fell in love with. She may not have become a princess. </div>
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However, in my opinion, Cinderella isn't weak at all. She is strong and courageous. She faces adversity head on and without complaint. How often do we moan about things? Cinderella never moaned. How easy is it to be horrible to someone who is nasty to you? How often do we get in arguments? Did my dear Cinders? </div>
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No. She did not. </div>
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In life, we will come across people who upset us, sometimes accidentally, and sometimes deliberately. People you trust, might turn against you. Those who you love can easily become enemies. People will lie to you in life. People will say nasty things, will laugh at you, and will hurt you. Unfortunately, that is part of human nature and the ability to choose. </div>
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There are, of course, people in the world who <b>are </b>kind. People who <b>do</b> care. People who <b>love and support </b>you. These people come in all shapes and sizes, and might not be who you expect. They might exist (as many of mine seem to do) in different time zones, they might be older or younger, they might be family, they might be colleagues, but they are there. </div>
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You will easily learn to tell the difference between those who do and those who do not, and as a youth worker, perhaps I need to learn to take my own advice on that one. </div>
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The way that you behave towards other people, builds up your personal brand and the way that others view you. If you upset someone, and they tell their friends about it, will you look good? Probably not. If you upset someone, and then apologise, then that shows strength in character. </div>
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Of course it is not as straight forward here about what other people think of you, but more the impression that you leave in people. </div>
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What is your personal legacy?</div>
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I'm not talking about who you choose to leave money to in your Will, but how you leave a person <i>feeling.</i> Feelings are very real, and powerful. We all have those interactions that leave us with good feelings, where we smile ear to ear and have butterflies in our tummies. We also have those feelings where someone has made you so upset that you feel sick, your tummy does flips and you can't help but cry. Which ones do you want to leave a person with?<br>
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It doesn't take much to smile at a stranger, have a chat with the shop assistant, say thank you to someone, or give a homeless person a hot chocolate. Our little actions can leave big impressions. These little actions can transform a persons day, or change their view of a whole group of people in society. It can restore faith in humanity.</div>
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Cinderella would be that person. She has her own "stuff" that she has been dealing with, but she is always kind.</div>
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So as you go about your daily lives, try to be more Cinderella than wicked step-mother. If someone is horrid to you, then smile. Turn the other cheek, and offer them a cup of tea.</div>
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<i><b>Be the change you want to see in the world </b>- Ghandi </i></div>
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Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-89378403094844143252015-10-24T15:07:00.001-07:002015-10-24T15:07:28.366-07:00The curse of the digital eraFacebook.<div>Twitter.</div><div>Instagram.</div><div>Snapchat.</div><div>Messenger.</div><div><br></div><div>Just some of the things that give me grief on a daily basis. The Internet and digital technology is a wonderful thing, but one has to wonder if it is destroying an element of our human nature. </div><div><br></div><div>Young people regularly come to me with screenshots on their iPhone 6, of conversations or insults over social media or text, or content that offends them. Unfortunately the digital revolution is not something I can protect young people from, the nature of the beast is that it is just too big. All I can do is educate and support young people, making sure that they use the Internet carefully, only post content that is befitting with their personal brand, and showing them how o report and set privacy settings. As a CEOP ambassador, I am particularly passionate about ensuring that young people stay safe online. I've trained young people, parents, teachers, youth worker, social workers, and police in some of the issues facing young people with digital technology today. </div><div><br></div><div>The biggest issue, however, is one that no amount of training can solve.</div><div><br></div><div>Many young people find it hard to believe that our home computer was connected to the Internet by a wire, and that we had to dial up to get a connection. They struggle to appreciate that I didn't have a mobile phone as a child, and only had one when I was about 15; even then it was one of these bad boys:</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDe44gZhVglnxW2IkzsdauHADCBmJQzlCS-mJWCRlD2rY1VPQ1zKIMMLL-sJwf7kFiUa2WHlg5T5wf1IKA6iRI8bNCUl2JgTTZL0LV3sgs6ejM48s7Ygygl1_hyphenhyphenhQExn4eF6J2i6uLPDYw/s640/blogger-image--514231856.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjDe44gZhVglnxW2IkzsdauHADCBmJQzlCS-mJWCRlD2rY1VPQ1zKIMMLL-sJwf7kFiUa2WHlg5T5wf1IKA6iRI8bNCUl2JgTTZL0LV3sgs6ejM48s7Ygygl1_hyphenhyphenhQExn4eF6J2i6uLPDYw/s640/blogger-image--514231856.jpg"></a></div><br></div><div>I grew up in an interesting time, a cross over period between the digital era and Jurassic world (as my young people would have me beleive!). My mothers generation didn't have computers like I did, they didn't have access to the Internet, and they certainly didn't have mobile phones. Today we have children as young as 4 with tablet computers, the ability to access the Internet almost anywhere from a device as small as your hand, and 11year olds rocking an iPhone 6. When I was their age (goodness I sound old!), we were still scared of technology - we were waiting for the millennium bug to hit and crash the world, we were wary of mobile phones causing tumours, and my biggest issue as tripping on the cable that connected the computer to the phone line. </div><div><br></div><div>Now don't get me wrong, I think digital technology is a wonderful thing and has its place. But what have we sacrificed for this? </div><div><br></div><div>When I was 4, I loved playing with my big brother. In fact, until we were at secondary school, we used to spend all our time together - building dens, going to the park, playing in the garden. We went on day trips to the arboretum, or to a museum or swimming. We wrote diaries in the summer holidays, we played board games, and took it in turns to play Tetris on the retro yellow game boy. What do children this age get up to now, we'll probably so,e of the same stuff. But I have witnessed whole rooms of families sat in silence, each one on their own digital device. Tablets, iPads, laptops, phones. Children engrossed in playing games on a digital platform, and missing whole days of adventure with their friends. </div><div><br></div><div>When we were kids, if we wanted to see our friends, we had to "call on them". A quirky phrase now, but back then in the 90s and early 00s, we used to knock the doors of our friends and go around to see if they were in. I remember once trying to use walkie talkies with our friends over the road, but it was short lived as even they weren't great back then. But the premise of having to go and have a conversation in person with someone is something we seem to have lost - when it's so easy to just send a text now. </div><div><br></div><div>What worries me, is the impact that these devices have on child development, and how that unfolds into adult life. Indeed, how has technology killed relationships? </div><div><br></div><div>If good child development includes spending time and creative playing with peers, and increasingly children are interacting from behind a tablet, are they being deprived of social relationships and is it stunting their potential to grow. Are we breeding a nation of computer scientists, and losing our youth workers, our social workers, our "people people". When these jobs are dependant so heavily on positive relationships and being able to connect with people, if these skills aren't being maximised by current young people in a face to face environment, will we move to a totally digital age - online youth work as opposed to one to one sessions? Text counselling rather than face to face therapy? </div><div><br></div><div>How does this pan out for the survival of the human race? </div><div><br></div><div>One of my friends whom I see once a year, for one weekend, always has a pop at me for using my phone on camp. He insists that I "live in the moment" and tries to lock my phone away, or set rules that I can only use it a certain amount of times. I always protest, making excuses that "my love life depends on it" or "I need to get in my emails". When did I become so dependant on this device to rule my world? He is right, of course. We should be living in the real world and not the online world. When you have a beautiful girl in front of you, that is not the time to be scrolling through Facebook. When you're out with your friends, put the phone away and be with them. When you're taking a walk, breathe it all in and take in the sights and sounds - not the sight of your backlit phone and the sound of the ringtone! It is one of my pet hates when you're with someone and their phone is the most important thing in the room. </div><div><br></div><div>What would happen if I didn't use it? Would I have to go back to "calling on someone", on the off chance they would be home? Without the Internet, would I rely on books and newspapers to update me - have I become lazy in my thirst for knowledge? As a child, I loved to read, and it's no secret now that I hate it. But is that my laziness, that rather then read a book I can find whatever I want at the touch of my fingertips? </div><div><br></div><div>My obsessive checking of Facebook and Twitter, wastes ridiculous amounts of my time and achieves nothing except to pry into people's lives and make assumptions based on the information presented to me. I have become lazy in maintaining relationships! I should just call my friends, or go and visit them. Not depend on an app to tell me what is going on in their lives, and then "like" something to show my support. That's not support, that's a cheats way of being a friend. I waste my time getting het up when people post things that worry me, or upset me. When actually, I should just speak to them. But how much of my ability to have a face to face relationship is diminished due to my reliance on technology to do it for me? </div><div><br></div><div>So, I make an urgent plea. </div><div><br></div><div>Let's save the human race, let's build relationships on trust and honesty. Let's hold each other. Let's get our kids to play games, learn to be outdoors, and learn to be with others. Limit their time (and yours as a role model) with digital media and let's ensure they build personal skills. Talking to each other, laughing with each other. </div><div><br></div><div>Put that phone down. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-47458244233565685922015-10-11T14:14:00.001-07:002015-10-11T14:24:37.942-07:00October 10thSo, 10th October (yesterday) was world mental health day. A day that 10 years ago didn't bother me, I had no interest in, and I didn't care much about mental health. <div><br></div><div>But now, mental health is incredibly important to me. This is my journey. </div><div><br></div><div>When I was 19, I started my first set of anti depressants. I had never felt so worthless before in my life, and took myself to the doctor. I remember how stupid I felt, sitting in the doctors room, crying, and saying I just didn't feel happy. She prescribed me some medication there and then, and off I went. All was well, until I started to feel very low again. Back to the doctors and another set of anti depressants, and again until I was on my third different medication. </div><div><br></div><div>Still something didn't sit right, and I was cycling between being fine for a period of time, so happy that I would go out all night and drive Jemima car (the mini of death) around country lanes as happy as anything. But then I would become very low, feeling like I hated myself and unable to get out of bed. This was all going on whilst I as at university, and I was referred on to some one else for further investigation as to why I was feeling so up and down. </div><div><br></div><div>Well after much too-ing and fro-ing, I came out of the system a year later with a diagnosis of Bipolar Affective Disorder and Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD), and anti-psychotic medication. Anti-psychotic. Does that mean that aged 20 I was labelled a psycho and needed to be drugged to stop it from happening? </div><div><br></div><div>Well no, of course not. But at that time, only 7 years ago, I only told one person other than my Mum, about my mental health. It was pretty bloody scary, being told you have a condition for which you need to take medication forever, but you can't see it, and so you don't know really if it's getting better or not. It's all very complex in mental health. </div><div><br></div><div>But hasn't time changed. I'm now 27 and I'm not ashamed of my mental health. Ok so it's not the first thing I mention on a first date, but it's not something I feel I need to hide from the world. That's a credit to two things, firstly all of the positive media from time to change, which has changed people's perceptions of mental health, and secondly the big brave steps I have made in coming to live with myself and learning to love myself. </div><div><br></div><div>Having a mental health condition doesn't define you as a person, it gives you a reason to fight. Being bipolar doesn't make me any less of a human being, but it does make me stronger and means that I have to become more resilient than other people. It has given me some of the worst times of my life, which I will not delve into here, but has also given me experiences that I use to empathise with young people going through similar issues in my work. </div><div><br></div><div>Mental health conditions affect people in different ways, my bipolar is not the same as anyone else's, and that's half the trouble of trying to treat it. My doctor told me that she has to "treat the symptom" rather than the condition. One treatment doesn't fit all. </div><div><br></div><div>My mental health is affected by triggers, usually if something goes drastically wrong in my life then it becomes a bigger deal than it should be, because where some people might feel a bit sad about something, I tend to feel it 100 times worse. Which leads to situations where I cannot get out of bed, or cannot eat properly, I can spend hours on end crying and to the untrained eye it's "for no reason". Telling me at this point to "cheer up" or "stop being silly" is like telling someone with a broken leg to get up and walk. It just doesn't work like that. </div><div><br></div><div>There's things in my life that worry me about having a mental health condition. I've been advised by my doctor that if I want a baby I have to come off the medication, and that frightens me because I know how unwell I can be. I've also been advised that I'm more susceptible to post natal depression. So whilst I pretend that I don't want children, actually I'm scared of the consequences and the impact that my mental health could have on a child. I'm also acutely aware that my poor mental health has been the break down of more than one relationship in my life, am I destined to never have a serious relationship because of the unsure nature of living with a mental health condition? Who knows, but it does sting to see everyone around you having babies and getting married, and you can't help but wonder if the lack of this in your life is down to your mental health. </div><div><br></div><div>The best thing you can do for someone who is suffering with a mental health condition, is just be there. I'm sure you have all seen the cartoon, but here is one of my favourite little messages:<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibPFoGM_MZx2qnRTPcbRYm1eJcrAo3QrxO61ax-QhusgWG-wV6ocVH71X1ZG73EYhpMU4ra7m0JIPRFeecdWSWBawknEw6BfYZVnJJZ14rKHNGiMwkAyboNhmvv1ljq6GkC99G9dOSAtDb/s640/blogger-image--1485033095.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEibPFoGM_MZx2qnRTPcbRYm1eJcrAo3QrxO61ax-QhusgWG-wV6ocVH71X1ZG73EYhpMU4ra7m0JIPRFeecdWSWBawknEw6BfYZVnJJZ14rKHNGiMwkAyboNhmvv1ljq6GkC99G9dOSAtDb/s640/blogger-image--1485033095.jpg"></a></div></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">It might not be easy to talk about feelings with people, I hate discussing mine with anyone, but there is something very comforting about human contact and human support. Humans have a need to be recognised, we are social beings and need others to ensure our survival. On more than one occasion I've had friends build me a nest, and got in it with me. Just to be there and make me feel like someone cares, which is ultimately one of the best treatments. Friends. </div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Everyone deals with their mental health differently, for some it's medication and counselling, others might use exercise, or SAD lamps. However people treat it, is ok and personalised to that person. There is no right or wrong. For me, it's a combination of things but the biggest helps have been running and friendship.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">So next time you hear about a friend who is feeling low, or you discover someone has a mental health condition, remember to treat them appropriately. Don't tell them to "get over it", or "stop being grumpy". Tell them that you are there for them, and that you care. The world is a much better place when it has love and compassion. </div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-87783308153385520282015-06-01T14:28:00.001-07:002015-06-01T14:28:07.076-07:00I volunteer as tribute!"Be the change you want to see in the world" - words once spoken, famously, by Ghandi. <div><br></div><div>This week is National Volunteers Week, and I thought it appropriate to write some words about the impact and value of volunteering. Of course many of my readers will already be converted, but to those who aren't, read on!</div><div><br></div><div>I was brought up on volunteering, as part of my DofE and through the scouts, volunteering has always been important. Many of my friends can't understand why I would want to volunteer to work with young people, when in fact that is my career and I spend my full time work (plus 3 part time jobs), working with young people. </div><div><br></div><div>The truth is, I can't get enough of it. </div><div><br></div><div>For me, there is no greater feeling than that of helping others. Maybe I'm just wired that way, I can't do sports and I'm not particularly bright, but I have a big heart and want to save the world. </div><div><br></div><div>This summer, I am taking 36 young people to Japan to the world scout jamboree. Whilst there they will be meeting other young people from all over the world, and taking part in cultural activities which will see them come home as changed people. These guys are awesome. I'm not even lying. After a crap week at work, sometimes the last thing I want to do is to go and pitch tents in the dark and get cold and wet for a weekend. But once I'm there, the young people know how to cheer me up. After making me a cup of coffee, drawing me some pictures of dogs and pretend boyfriends, they soon have me in fits of laughter. Not long after, they have ingeniously found a tennis ball and started a game of catch, using one of their prosthetic legs as a bat/catching cup. </div><div><br></div><div>It's refreshing! </div><div><br></div><div>It takes me out of the office and away from the stresses of life, no worrying about work or freaking out about my mid life crisis (yes it's hit me early!). </div><div><br></div><div>On the flip side, as someone who runs youth clubs, I have first hand experience of the value of the volunteers who support me. </div><div><br></div><div>I am extremely lucky to have a team of committed and dedicated volunteers who come every week to work with the young people in the club. They give up their own time to come and do something amazing, to make young people feel good and have someone to talk to, and to give parents some respite once a week. Those 3 hours a week can make all the difference to stressed parents, and frayed young people. Just to give them a space to grow and develop and try something different, can give them a new direction in life or a boost of confidence. </div><div><br></div><div>Not only that, but they support me. I look forward every week to seeing my lovely volunteers with their smiley faces, and no matter what mood I am in they always seem to lift it. </div><div><br></div><div>Volunteering can take many forms of course, and I know that there are lots and lots of wonderful people with different skills who help me out - administrators, chefs, first aiders... All skills that I do not possess. Others are craft queens, quiz masters, and sports heroes - again, skills that I do not own! </div><div><br></div><div>Just to bust a myth as well, volunteers don't necessarily have lots of money or lots of time (though that would be a luxury), but they do have big hearts.</div><div><br></div><div>So whether you are a face to face volunteer youth worker, a scout leader, a guider, with the boys brigade or doing DofE, volunteering at a church or maybe with some older people.. Perhaps you are a trustee, or maybe you are musically minded, whatever it is you do. You do it well. </div><div><br></div><div>You are making someone else smile. </div><div><br></div><div>You are bringing joy to other people's lives. </div><div><br></div><div>You are special. </div><div><br></div><div>Thank you. </div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-46605972932841338212014-08-21T16:41:00.001-07:002014-08-21T16:41:59.149-07:00The one you have all been waiting for...Yesterday I got back from Rome, having a last minute break in one of the most amazing cities in the world. I saw the colosseum, climbed to the top of St Peters basilica, and gazed in awe at the Sistine Chapel. I also drank a lot of wine, ate a lot of amazing food, and cried with laughter more than I can remember. <div><br></div><div>But it's not the Ice bar, audio tours, or architectural wonders that made it a good holiday. They were pretty cool, but on my own they would have only been that. I was lucky enough to spend the week with one of the funniest, kindest, and most loving human beings that I know. You know you have a good friend when you can finish each other's sentences, sit in silence at dinner without it being awkward, and laugh hysterically at inappropriate times. I often joke that I only see him when we are away together, and that's ok because that's how our friendship works - him living at the other end of England means we don't spend that much time together, but when we do it's like we have never been apart. Craig is just one of the rocks in my life who makes me feel truly happy, and I am truly blessed to have him. Not only is he incredibly talented and hard working, but he makes me laugh uncontrollably and talks sense into me when I need it. </div><div><br></div><div>Craig is not the only rock in my world, I am very fortunate to have a wide array of friends who mean everything to me. The last year (361 days if I am being precise) has not been my best, in truth it has been one of my worst. Filled with hurt, anguish, and grief. I have not been the bubbly and happy person I like to be, I have cried until my tears ran dry and felt a great deal of pain. </div><div><br></div><div>Luckily for me there have been a number of people who have dragged me kicking and screaming through it, and this blog is an ode to those incredible individuals. </div><div><br></div><div>One such lady is my best friend, who when I cried and couldn't get out of bed, would come and get into my bed with me instead. She is a beautiful and wonderful woman who is right now doing amazing things in Malaysia, and I miss her every day. She brings light to everyone she meets and is one of the warmest people I know. </div><div><br></div><div>Another important person is my surrogate Mum, and one of my dearest friends. She has cooked for me, spent her Christmas and New year with me - building gingerbread houses and wearing onesies. She is always there with a cup of tea when I need it, and good for a gossip. She recently treated me to a trip to Bristol zoo, and a magical mystery tour of Bristol as well. This woman goes out of her way to make the lives of those around her as good as she can, and I am eternally grateful for her friendship. </div><div><br></div><div>Then there's the one across the seas, who lives as far away from me as you could get. Admittedly it is often difficult to speak due to time differences, but thanks to Facebook, Skype, FaceTime, and whatsapp, we manage to talk as much as we can. I met this man three and a half years ago in Brazil, thinking we might be Facebook friends - but we are so much more. He knows the goings of my world and he says things in his funny accent to make me smile. Thank God for the internet that has allowed us to stay in touch and to grow our friendship.</div><div><br></div><div>There's my "bride to be" who has kept me busy with planning hen parties and looking forward to her wedding next weekend, where it have the great pleasure of being her maid of honour. She is a kindred spirit and we share beliefs and values which make our friendship very special indeed. </div><div><br></div><div>I can't forget my main carer, who is soon to be a mum. She kicks my butt when it needs kicking, let's me eat ice cream and cooks amazing cupcakes for me. She helps me out whenever she can and I know she will be an incredible Mum. She's also letting me go on holiday with her husband next year (to the jamboree). </div><div><br></div><div>I've also got my crew of lads, all studying at college or uni, but all finding the time to have a good old natter with me and help me at scout events. </div><div><br></div><div>My work buddies - the NQTs and the GMs. Where would I be without them? They make going to school enjoyable, and feed me with cake and lunches... Table pie being my favourite. In return I sometimes do photocopying or displays, and at break times we catch up and have a giggle. They have become so much more than just work colleagues and I would be lost without them. </div><div><br></div><div>The Y clan, what an incredible group of talented and passionate youth workers, like nothing you would find anywhere else. They inspire me and support me, they share long coffees with me and support my studying. Also, the YMCA dream team who make college that little bit easier just by being there and sharing in the dramas. </div><div><br></div><div>The list could go on for hours, but I will stop there.</div><div><br></div><div>Life is not about being caught up in events that happen, but rather it should focus on the movement between these events which is supported by the rocks around you. </div><div><br></div><div>I learnt this week that the pantheon is an incredible structure that is built on a roman style shock absorber, which is why it still stands after earthquakes and disasters. The only reason I still stand is because I have my shock absorbers all around me, in the form of a text or tweet, to a chat over dinner, or even a holiday. All the people around me have kept me upright and going strong. </div><div><br></div><div>All I ask is that those of you reading this, take the time to thank those around you and show them that they mean the world to you. Hold on to the people who make your life great and not the moments that make it hurt. </div><div><br></div><div>F.x</div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-14779393368316748602014-01-01T13:50:00.001-08:002014-01-01T13:50:49.501-08:00"Be the light"Well, I have not blogged for a while - and one of my dear friends was asking when I next would write something... in order for me to blog I need to have something good to write about, so I figured that I would take stock of where things are as it is a New Year and a fresh start. <div><br></div><div>Many of my close friends and family will know that 2013 was not a good year for me, for a whole number of reasons which ultimately meant I spent most of the year suffering from depression - the dark side of Bipolar Disorder. Thankfully, I have a very supportive network of friends and family who need to be thanked for dragging me kicking and screaming through the last few months. They know who they are, and without them I would probably still be sat drunk outside the bowling alley crying into my black patent stilettos because I could not work out how to walk down the steps... Well at least now I can look back and laugh at myself! </div><div><br></div><div>2013 was not all bad, I did have some life changing experiences and some massive highlights - including going to the World Scout Moot in Canada and spending three weeks living with some truly lovely people. I also took my Special Needs group on a residential for the first time, and it was tough and challenging but it was truly incredible and has changed my whole relationship with the group and I now value and respect them even more. I have been truly blessed to have been able to work with some incredible young people last year, and have had some really good success stories of supporting young people into education and training and as a result I had the pleasure of getting my hair cut by a young man I used to support - he even remembered how I take my coffee and brought me chocolates. On the subject of young people, one of my highlights of 2013 was being successful in applying for a postgraduate course at the YMCA. People who know me well will appreciate how difficult it has been for me to access postgraduate studies and that all of my career choices in the last few years have been crushed at some stage, so this is a massive deal for me and something I have really wanted to do. At the risk of sounding just a little too religious (for some of my friends at least), I really feel that I have been called to Youth Work and the course I am studying is one of the most amazing things in my life at the moment, someone once told me that if they cut me open I would bleed yellow and have "youth worker" written in my veins. </div><div><br></div><div>At the moment I am reading a book by Kerry Young, called "The Art of Youth Work". I have to say that I love this book, and everything I read resonates within me. I have particularly fallen in love with the Ethics of Youth Work, and the argument that Youth Work is an exercise in moral philosophy. Reading about ethics in Youth Work, there is a strong school of thought that suggests in order to be an effective practitioner, the youth worker should have strong morals and act in such a manner that projects these. If the youth worker does not have their own set of values and beliefs which they hold in high esteem, then it could be said that they are unable to support young people to have values and morals. The idea of the professional passing on their beliefs to the young person is not what I am getting at, as that is morally unethical in my opinion. The role of the youth worker is to consider their own beliefs and support young people to explore and develop their own philosophical agenda. In order to support young people to develop this element of themselves, the youth worker must act as a role model and be able to show right from wrong and good from evil, and support young people to explore this for themselves. </div><div><br></div><div>I recently attended the annual Christingle service at St John's in Fareham, where I have been going to church for a number of years. I love the Christingle, not least because they give you a flame to play with (once a scout, always a scout), but because it is a good way to remind ourselves what it is all about. In the service, one phrase I caught hold of was "Be the light", and I figured that there are two ways of producing light, either through being the light or through being a reflection of the light. </div><div><br></div><div>This drew me back to my "Ethics in Youth Work", and the thought that in order to be a positive role model to young people, as a practitioner I have to be acting in a moral and true way. I have to be the light for young people, and light the path for them to take - then pass them the light and let them lead. </div><div><br></div><div>Life is not only about being the light for young people, as in life there are always those who are suffering or in pain, and need a light to illuminate their pathway and show them the way. So my resolution this year, is to be the light for all of those who need it. In the true style of being a scout, I am going to make a concerted effort to do a good deed every day and to be selfless in doing so. If it is smiling at a stranger, or buying a sausage roll and cup of tea for the homeless man in Gosport, I urge you to consider those around you who have darkness in their lives and that you share your light with them. </div><div><br></div><div>Without people being the light for me in the last year, I have no idea what state I would be in now. I have friends who do not know the amount they have done for me, and friends who I know will always be there for me, and that I am eternally grateful for - no amount of flowers or words can express how grateful I am and how much I love these people (you know who you are!)</div><div><br></div><div>So for 2014, I have three words: Shine, Love, Reflect. </div><div><br></div><div>Be the light this year and change someone's life. <div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7HvdtXlXi0WmiAOy2JRZ7r0l_WEB0a0d0BucD5OTz8gj8k-bPOgNEnT3iJGufhG4bYVd8f2NNz3E9m3KrYrrVC_-zkrCivje1dw5rKtcK-2eAP7JD191SfvjSYi5IUj9ULYKH1NgvWDzT/s640/blogger-image--808244782.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj7HvdtXlXi0WmiAOy2JRZ7r0l_WEB0a0d0BucD5OTz8gj8k-bPOgNEnT3iJGufhG4bYVd8f2NNz3E9m3KrYrrVC_-zkrCivje1dw5rKtcK-2eAP7JD191SfvjSYi5IUj9ULYKH1NgvWDzT/s640/blogger-image--808244782.jpg"></a></div></div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-41713561261911598582013-10-12T08:17:00.001-07:002013-10-12T08:17:44.080-07:00Hampshire Scouting county conference - October 2013<span style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">Good morning everyone, and welcome to today's conference. I hope you are all feeling inspired and looking forward to the days events, where we will be thinking about how to drive forward Hampshire Scouting. </span><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">I have been asked to kick things off for you, and get you thinking about the young persons experience. Now for those of you who don't know me, I am Fi - the Assistant County Commissioner for Youth Participation, and in my professional life I am a youth worker, and once upon a time I was a young person - which I guess qualifies me to talk about the young persons experience. I hope you will indulge me now as I use my time to tell you some stories. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">As a youth worker, I have been humbled over the years to work with some of the most vulnerable young people in society. There was one young man, who we will call Brandon, who really stuck out for me. Brandon is an 11 year old boy, who comes from a home where his family survive on benefits, and his Mum regularly tells him she does not love him and has no time for him. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">Brandon was struggling in school and being bullied, not making friends, and not learning. I worked with Brandon in a group work setting, delivering activities to help him develop social skills and communication skills. This was still not enough, and I decided to do some intensive one to one work with him. We worked together to build planes, and kites, and learn spellings and bake cookies. One piece of work we did was called "my universe", and I asked Brandon to put into his universe all the things that were most important to him, one of the things he put down was "scouts". </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">I asked Brandon about this, and he told me he wanted to join the scouts, having been a cub, but his mum could not afford for him to go and he couldn't get there either as he ad to pick his brothers up from school and no one could take him there. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">Let me tell you a story now about a little girl, who was desperate to join the cubs, but her Mum made her go to Brownies first. When that little girl turned 10, she joined the scouts, the same scouts that her brother went to. She experienced her first week away from family, her first camp without a real toilet, and her first go in a kayak, all when she was 10.</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "> When she was 11, her Dad died, and she had a really difficult time at school, being bullied. Her self confidence dropped and she felt worthless. When she was 12 she experienced her first taste of youth involvement, at a patrol in council. When she was 13, she experienced her first leadership role, as a patrol leader. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">When she was 14 she started working with a local cub pack as a young leader. When she was 15 she led the fundraising for her explorer unit to go to Guernsey. When she was 16 she cycled to an explorer camp and learnt to cook for herself. When she was 17 she completed her Gold DofE and her Queens Scout Award. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">When she was 18 she took out an appointment as an assistant Cub Scout leader. When she was 19 she did a work placement in a pupil referral unit. When she was 20 she started youthwork. When she was 21 she did something she never imagined she could do and climbed a glacier. When she was 22 she represented her country at a world conference and set up a platform for young people to have their voices heard. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">When she was 23 she became a trustee of a youth charity and volunteered as a camp counsellor at an international event. When she was 24 she ran a commonwealth youth forum. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">When she was 25, she stood here and told you how Scouting has changed her life. She told you that as an 11 year old girl, whose life was not easy, she went to scouts every Tuesday. Every Tuesday she had an escape from school, from bullying, from homework. Every Tuesday she had consistent adults who were able to build positive relationships with her, built on trust and respect. Every Tuesday she was challenged to try something new, and she was allowed to make mistakes along the way, like cooking too much rice (her mum still won't let her forget that one).</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "> Every Tuesday there was an adult with a smiling face waiting to help her learn new things and grow as a person.</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">Through the last 14 years of her life, she has had consistent positive role models in her life, and only through the dedication and support from these adults was she able to access life changing opportunities which undoubtedly shaped her future and chosen career. Over the past 14 years she has grown in confidence from a shy and very sad little girl, to a rather annoying and vocal young woman. She has been pushed far out of her comfort zone through outdoor adventurous activities, which has built her self esteem and sense of achievement and enabled her to be able to lead her own activities for young people.</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">The beauty of working with young people is that you never know what they will become, and the more positive intervention that we can get to a young person then the more likely they are to be successful in life. I am a firm believer that the time you invest you will get back, and am a good example of how the time that my scout leader invested in me has been got back - as I am now a leader myself and supporting young people to grow and develop. At the moot, someone told me that "you are tomorrow, but tomorrow has come and you are now today"</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">You have no idea what will become of the cubs or scouts in front of you, and by your own actions you are able to shape the lives of others, which is why it is so important that we get the young persons experience right and enable young people who join us to stay with us. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">For me, it was about having positive adult role models and leaders, who were the family that I desperately needed, which is why I stayed. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">Young people like Brandon. It's not too late for us to make a positive impact and turn this 11yr old around. We might need to be challenged to think differently about how we do it, to ensure every young person can access scouting, but I think that we are more than ready to make that journey. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; ">BP wanted us to leave the world a little better than we found it, and what better way to do that than to empower a generation and change the lives of those who need it most. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); -webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; "><br></div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-74757897979384486892013-09-11T16:00:00.001-07:002013-09-11T16:00:10.875-07:00Scouts Own - Gilwell Reunion 2013<span style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">Helping other people</span><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">Good afternoon everyone, I have been privileged to speak to you today about "helping other people". It took me a while to think of what I could possibly share with this audience, as helping others is an inbuilt part of every scout, and as a movement we have been helping other people for 106 years. so I decided to use some inspiration from some young people, and asked the, what they thought it meant to help other people. Some of the ideas included:</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><div>Forming friendships</div><div>Never leaving anyone behind</div><div>Looking after people</div><div>Supporting during hardships</div><div>Learning life skills </div><div>Teaching them things</div><div>Setting an example </div><div>Doesn't matter who it is for you can help anyone</div><div>It can be anything</div><div>Rich or poor, everyone needs a helping hand</div><div>Being a scout</div><div><br></div><div> From this, we prioritised and came up with three things which we felt were key lessons in helping others, which I will share with you now using examples from my own personal experiences.</div><div><br></div><div>Part of my life is spent as a youth worker, and where I live, in a small place called Gosport, I work for a small youth work charity. As part of my job, I am responsible for the youth club for young people with additional needs. I have a team of volunteers, which includes some young people - Max, Sophie, and Becky. </div><div><br></div><div>Two years ago, we were told our youth club would have to close and that our youth centre was going to be knocked down. Now, as I am sure you can imagine, this is far from ideal and it caused some upset with myself and others in the community. Max, Sophie, and Becky took the lead and spent time working with myself, and other local decision makers, including councillors and the residents association, to work a way forward. By working as a team, the youth centre was saved, and invested into. </div><div><br></div><div>Becky coordinated the repainting of the building, Max took control of purchasing new equipment with a grant he had secured, and Sophie led a consultation process with local young people to commission a new group from the building. After several months of hard work, we held a grand opening of the youth centre and invited the local community to come in as well as all young people. It was a great success and thanks to these three young people we still have a youth club to stand in.</div><div><br></div><div> The beauty of this is that they didn't even know that they were helping other people, they just wanted to do some good in their community, and as a result of this innate desire to do good, they helped secure provision for a group of young people and their work is a legacy to every young person who walks through the doors of that building for years to come. Three young people had a feeling in their heart and they followed it. </div></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">Lesson one is that: The desire to help other people is within our human nature, and you may not even know you are doing it. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">This summer, I was fortunate enough to attend the world scout moot in Canada. I spent 10 days living with an international patrol, an experience which I will never forget. The moot provided a space for 2500 young adults to come together, live together, and learn together. One of the main challenges of an international event like a moot, is the language and communication barrier that is encountered. This is also combined with cultural differences and sometimes a lack of understanding of each other.</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "> However, there seems to be a kind of language and understanding that comes with wearing a scarf, and scouts all seem to get involved and take part, using differences as an opportunity to learn and challenges as opportunities to grow. Everyone at the moot knew how to put up a tent, and so when one needed to be put up it would be all hands in together - irrespective of nationality or language. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">This was my first experience of a moot, and being a participant I was supported by a team of volunteers who enabled the moot to happen - the international service team. Like us, they too had to work out a way to work together and come to understand each other. However, despite these barriers, the IST were able to provide an excellent experience for us as participants.</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "> Whenever you needed help. They were there.</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "> There was a web of people all skilled in their respective areas and all working together to help make the moot what it was. We had a unit leader, Guillherme, from Brazil. Guillherme would visit us each day and make sure we knew where to go and at what time. We had IST working in cafes who were helping us to learn about diversity and humanity. We had IST who were serving us breakfast, and handing out ice lollies. All of our needs were catered for by a team of people who had never met each other before.</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "> The IST received the biggest applause at the closing ceremony, because of their gracious and conscious decisions to give up work for ten days and come to help at the world scout moot, and therefore empower the next generation of leaders to come together and grow as responsible young citizens. By helping at this event, they have input their time into shaping a generation of people who are ambassadors of a peaceful world, because of the experiences they have shared. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">Lesson two is that: helping others is an international language, and it's easy to communicate through action.</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">Now, the third lesson about helping others is based on the principle of random acts of kindness. Have you ever given up your seat for someone on a bus, or held a lift door for someone? Have you given someone 20p for the ticket machine, or helped a neighbour carry their shopping? Have you smiled at a stranger, or given someone a hug? These are the small things in life which can happen every day, and these are the things which anyone can do.</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "> The beauty of this is that it doesn't cost you anything to give, and it leaves a warm fuzzy feeling for those who give a random act of kindness, as well as for those who receive it. On friday i was at a camp in Hampshire, and a scout offered to carry my tent for me. he had nothing to gain, and nothing to lose.</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "> You have nothing to lose by smiling at a stranger, and if they pass on the smile then eventually we could make the world smile too. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "> </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">Lesson three is: when you help someone else it doesn't have to be big. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">So today we have been on a journey to reflect about helping other people, and with our three key lessons - helping is human nature, helping is international, and helping can be anything. </div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); ">As you leave here today and go into your daily lives and routines over the next few weeks, I would like you to look for an opportunity to help someone, and make it a selfless act of kindness. If someone asks you if they could borrow money for a cup of tea and they say to you "I'll pay you back", my challenge for you is to tell that person to "pay it forward" instead, and for them to buy a cup of tea for someone else who needs it.</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "> If we all take some responsibility for helping, then we can make the world a better place, and indeed leave the world a little better than we found it.</div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div><div style="font-family: Noteworthy; font-size: 18px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 24px; -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(26, 26, 26, 0.296875); -webkit-composition-fill-color: rgba(130, 98, 83, 0.0976563); -webkit-composition-frame-color: rgba(191, 107, 82, 0.496094); "><br></div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-89239546838815004832013-05-23T14:44:00.001-07:002013-05-23T14:44:52.863-07:00The Y blogHere's the one my colleagues will have all been waiting for, and now seems an appropriate time to write it. <div><br></div><div>Tonight I attended a celebration of achievements, for young people in my local area who have done something special and had been nominated by their youth workers to receive recognition for their commitment and input. </div><div><br></div><div>Youth work, for those of you who aren't sure, is actually not about playing pool and table tennis in a youth club on a Tuesday evening. It's about young people engaging voluntarily in activities that help them achieve their potential and promote active citizenship; providing young people with information and tools to be able to make informed decisions about their own lives. Yes I have been known to play pool, however I should mention here I am terrible at it, and (here's a secret) I don't really care about the game, it's about the conversation and interaction I'm having with that young person (which they are oblivious to) whilst they totally thrash me. It's like a superpower, being able to talk to a teenager who may not speak to teachers or parents, but feels comfortable to speak to their youth worker, and doesn't realise they are doing it. Genius. </div><div><br></div><div>So here's another piece of interesting history, I never actually wanted to be a youth worker. I wanted to be a drama teacher, however I think someone had other plans for me. One chance placement in a pupil referral unit (with a young man who called himself "tubbs") changed my way of thinking. I took on a 6hr a week post, and when I finished Uni started to pick up odd hours on other projects - primarily open access provision. I loved my job. So much so that I turned down full time roles to enable me to stay with the work I loved. </div><div><br></div><div>Time passed, things changed, government changed, budgets changed. Cuts happened. Youth work was one of the first things to go. The process lasted a long time, and I saw every single one of my colleagues leave the team. I was literally the last person standing. And worse than that, the job I loved had melted away before my eyes. Everything I loved had gone. </div><div><br></div><div>However, all was not lost. A fabulous new youth work charity arrived on the scene to help pick up the pieces, and luckily for me I was employed by the charity to continue to work with one of the youth clubs I had been running, for 4 hours a week. </div><div><br></div><div>The club is a very special group to me, and tonight I was pleased to present 12 of the young people with certificates for their achievement in the "come dine with me" project. The group worked in small teams to plan, prepare, and serve a three course meal. This sounds simple, but when the group have a diverse range of needs, abilities, and differences, it can present challenges. Each young person had to overcome their own difficulties to complete this task, and I am so proud. </div><div><br></div><div>I also presented awards to my valuable volunteers. Two of which are young people who have come through the youth provision and wanted to give something back. At this point, I became literally speechless, tears filled my eyes and I choked on my words "without these young people we would not have a youth club to go to" (see other blog "youngsters have a new place to go"). Of course, they thought it hilarious that they made me emotional, but this is only the second time I have been so proud that I cried in front of a room full of people. Both times, this has been because of the actions of young people I have had the joy and pleasure to support. </div><div><br></div><div>Tonight was a milestone for me, it was a celebration of all things good about the young people we work with, and even more a celebration of the amazing charity I am proud to work for; the amazing staff who I am lucky enough to work with; and the emotional investment and commitment of each and every one of them. I am proud to work for a charity where staff go above and beyond, every time, to support and develop young people. Quality youth work is not something that you learn in a university, or a magic power you get when you put on a t shirt, it's developed within staff who have had support and time invested into them to help nurture their skills. I have been extremely lucky to have been able to have been supported by a team who I had once lost, and now the same team I have regained. My love and passion for youth work is alive and well once more, having mourned a great loss but replaced it with something even more special and even more amazing. I'm one of the luckiest people alive, surrounded by an incredible team, and even more incredible young people. </div><div><br></div><div>All of this, because of "tubbs". </div><div><br></div><div>In future, when people ask me why I bother going to my second job after a long day, I will simply say "Y not!"</div><div><br></div><div>www.yservicesforyoungpeople.co.uk </div><div><br></div><div><br></div><br><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8vFoqwlerXvVntdv7Aedt42zXhdlDqT7JxuMjiNsDcuzICH9UyGpmZkN4IeyvPVaOyDoiEc5mOznGGjzvjyDY231N-Yast_1sOpNoZFMjMBTALkAzr75oWyEB8Ssd_hZF7-Ut3-mOXuzv/s640/blogger-image-595676343.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj8vFoqwlerXvVntdv7Aedt42zXhdlDqT7JxuMjiNsDcuzICH9UyGpmZkN4IeyvPVaOyDoiEc5mOznGGjzvjyDY231N-Yast_1sOpNoZFMjMBTALkAzr75oWyEB8Ssd_hZF7-Ut3-mOXuzv/s640/blogger-image-595676343.jpg"></a></div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-4094605041749224212013-03-10T15:19:00.001-07:002013-03-10T16:36:40.715-07:00Empowered, valued, proud.Empowered.<br />
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Valued.<br />
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Proud.<br />
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Three small but very strong words. <br />
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This weekend was a big weekend for Hampshire Scouting, not only because we had one of our bi-annual youth conferences, and the annual scout winter camp, but also because we launched our first ever Hampshire Scouting Ambassador. <br />
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A year ago this weekend, we held our Hampshire Scout Youth Conference. At this conference we had a guest come to speak to us about the national ambassadors for scouting, which inspired some of our young people that we should have a local ambassador for Hampshire Scouting. Nothing happened for a couple of months, people are busy, we are all volunteers, etc etc....so I asked if I could find someone...<br />
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Turns out, that there is this really cool adventurer who lives in Basingstoke (I'm reliably informed it is north of Winchester and still within Hampshire boundaries). Some random guy who had a motorbike accident, so decided to row the Atlantic Ocean solo (like you do!?). Apparently a simple row like that isn't enough, so he gave Everest a go as well. Standard really, I mean, who hasn't climbed Everest these days...? <br />
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So, this random guy from Basingstoke did a couple of talks to some random explorer scouts. They loved him. County commissioner loved him (he packed chairs away at the end of the night as well!). Leaders loved him (kept the young people entertained all night). <br />
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Perfect. <br />
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Dropped him an email, turns out he was cycling across America at the time, but was definitely interested and would have a chat when he got back. I thought I would check him out for myself, so off I drove to the north of the county for a fundraising dinner where he was speaking. Shocked that he looked nothing like his twitter pic (which is of a guy on a mountain - Everest - in a down suit with a ginger beard and a Nepalese flag), but impressed that he is actually much hotter than his twitter pic demonstrates. Note to self - never judge a person by their twitter photo. <br />
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Anyway, he was pretty good actually, so tried him out on some cub scouts - went down a storm. Tried him out on some district commissioners - worked like a dream. Tried him out in the county team - they think he's wonderful. Bingo. We had found our man. Captain Ketch. <br />
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So, we decided to think of a unique way to launch our first scouting ambassador here in Hampshire. As this crazy ginger bearded explorer has decided that his next challenge is to cycle around the world, we decided to put him through his paces in a Hampshire world tour. Gathering a group of cyclists, we set a route for our new ambassador to weave through Hampshire visiting scout huts for challenges and pit stops. <br />
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The big weekend started with Captain Ketch giving his Everest talk to the youth council, and then they had the chance to come up with challenges for him to complete on his world tour (interesting ones, including "doing gangnam style on a bike", "cycle with 10 james'", and my personal favourite "take Fi to Nandos"). The young people also designed ideas for an ambassadors challenge, and provided final decisions for the way the badge should be run and implemented, as well as how much it should cost and that the money raised should be donated to Captain Ketch's charity he supports - ELIFAR (every life is for a reason). <br />
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The main event started early on Saturday morning, with a tweet from Chief Scout Bear Grylls, wishing Captain Ketch good luck. Riders gathered and left Ferny Crofts at 8am, with 25 people on the first leg and 50 scouts clapping and cheering on the way out. The riders arrived at Hythe Ferry and 13 took the journey for the second leg, to Totton. In Totton, the Captain was greeted by a small group of cubs and beavers, who were excited to show him around their new scout hut, as well as give him an Atlantic themed stop which included fish finger sandwiches and a quick row on the lake. <br />
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There are very few people I have met who have had the ability to turn a child's confidence round quite so quickly. Captain Ketch got out of the boat and was walking towards his exit, when a small Cub Scout was stood behind him with his Dad, tears rolling down his face, and mumbling out "I'm too shy". Captain Ketch turned around and bent down to meet this cub's sad tears with a great big cheesy grin. A small pep talk and special photo shoot later, and the tears are replaced with an equally big cheesy smile. Hands shaken, smiles exchanged, and promises made, leaving this one young person feeling like the most special and most valued 8yr old in the world. <br />
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It was at this point that I was going to leave the ride, for my readers will not be surprised to learn I am about as good on a bike as I am at quantum physics (useless). Infact I wasn't even going to be cycling but got talked into doing the first leg, and then the second.. So I'm at Totton, and I'm getting lots of positive encouragement from the hard core cyclists, telling me the next leg is "all downhill Fi!". <br />
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I should have known they were fibbing. It wasn't all downhill at all. There was a very long and annoying and slow windy uphill bit. Ok so I'm not talking a massive incline, infact in a car it's probably barely noticeable (unless you were in a mini and then you would notice it). I'm not naturally gifted at anything adventurous, and unfortunately for me I had 12 men cycling with me and pushing me to my limits. I lost count of the amount of times I said "I can't do it" and "I want to stop". Annoyingly, I found someone more stubborn than myself, who would not let me stop and insisted on moving the seat in the bike and teaching me to use my gears and how to get on and off a bike properly. No matter how much I told him I don't like him, he still pushed me up the hill. Literally. Pushed. Infact, pushed to the point where I was egged on to complete the fourth leg of the ride as well as the first 3. The last time I rode a bike was a very long time ago, but that wasn't a problem for Captain Ketch. He just carried on pushing me, talking to me, and empowering me to do something that I would certainly not normally feel confident enough to do. <br />
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I left the journey at this point, having ridden for the first 23 miles. The riders then went on to visit a group in Whiteley, and to the 1000 people at scout winter camp, where Captain Ketch gave a presentation to 400 people packed into a marquee, about his exciting adventures. All I could do from here was read the tweets coming in on #scoutscycle, and some of the best included:<br />
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"@captainketch my son has just got back from scout camp and says I have to follow you as you are amazing! Thank you for helping winter camp"<br />
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"@captainketch ...lovely to see my son inspired and have a new role model..."<br />
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Now I'm not putting words into mouths, but I would hedge my bets that these people feel pretty proud to have met and been inspired by Captain Ketch, and proud to have him as an ambassador for Hampshire Scouting. <br />
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Most of all, I'm proud. I'm proud that not only did I cycle on an actual bike, but I'm really proud that Hampshire Scouting has found an ambassador who genuinely cares about young people and takes the time to engage with them. Someone from within our own community who enthuses and inspires, turns tears into smiles, and dares people to dream. I couldn't have asked for anything more. <br />
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Empowered.<br />
<br />
Valued.<br />
<br />
Proud.<br />
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@captainketch <br />
#scoutscycle<br />
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www.jamesketchell.net<br />
http://www.scouts-hants.org.uk/?id=375<br />
http://www.elifarfoundation.org.uk/ <br/><br/><div class="separator"style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhevPrfvhnJiTaYs18GpFfoPjsoO0JdNYQpzgtPK3pYjJQ3NNUhdBRHyq50WnxW2HUr-HI_8fd0ShpEgSEpjK1HqdMut75AT2tSsX163FDRzwfrniAUzpxwI7sLhf_N5IWdUB2Yg2331BNI/s640/blogger-image-1528820992.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhevPrfvhnJiTaYs18GpFfoPjsoO0JdNYQpzgtPK3pYjJQ3NNUhdBRHyq50WnxW2HUr-HI_8fd0ShpEgSEpjK1HqdMut75AT2tSsX163FDRzwfrniAUzpxwI7sLhf_N5IWdUB2Yg2331BNI/s640/blogger-image-1528820992.jpg" /></a></div>Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-297086359316914316.post-19516060391443013482012-12-24T17:29:00.001-08:002012-12-24T17:29:51.672-08:00The Shepherds...Some of you will be aware of my Christian beliefs, and my faith in God. I don't like to say "I'm religious" because for me, the word "religion" doesn't sum up quite how I feel. I understand my belief in God to be a relationship with him, and all relationships involve dialogue and time invested into them to make them work, and faith and trust in the other person. As someone who has studied relationships and Hegel in depth I could go on to bore you about mutuality and the Master/Slave, but this is a blog about Christmas so I will save that for another day.<br />
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One thing about my relationship with God is that I don't always put as much time into it as I should, which I am ashamed of. Yet a positive thing is that I always come back, like at your birthday when you can always rely on that friend who you might not see that often, but will always be there with a cake for you (Naomi!), well for me that's what I am like with church, I always gravitate back to church at Christmas. My church is St Johns in Fareham, carefully chosen for me by a friend, and one that I have been going to for 6 years (wow, didn't realise it was that long!). This is the church where I met some of the most wonderful people in the world with the dearest hearts and kindest words. If you ever needed to feel loved, this is the place to be. This church helped me through my really bad times, and sailed me through my good times. So to me, it's like home. <br />
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On Sunday, I went to the usual "carols by candlelight" service, because I love seeing the church lit up with candles and full of people. This service was focused around the voices of Christmas, and the readings were the voices of the people involved in Jesus' life - Mary, Joseph, Herod, John the Baptist...but for me, one voice stood out, the shepherds.<br />
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The shepherds, that group of men who sat on the fields and the hills watching over a bunch of sheep, in the freezing cold. We have all heard the story of the lost lamb, and the shepherd who goes to find the lamb and brings him back to safety, thats the job of the shepherd - to herd the sheep, and to look after them. The shepherds are not the glamorous people who are blessed with money, or saintly people with halos and wings, or mothering people with a new baby. Shepherds are the overworked, underpaid, and often forgotten people. The shepherds are so often overlooked, and yet Gabriel came to the shepherds first out of everyone, and told them about the new arrival over in Bethlehem, and invited them to go and visit the new baby Jesus. Remarkable. <br />
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It makes you wonder why he even bothered to go to the Shepherds, because I wonder if they would have even been missed if they were not a part of the story? The wise men brought gifts, Mary had the baby, the innkeeper gave the barn...but what is the purpose of the shepherds in the story? There must be a good reason for hundreds of children (and adults!) to dress up in dressing gowns with tea towels on their heads each year, carrying a Shaun the sheep toy...??<br />
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If I were to choose one of the nativity characters to relate to, it would be these guys. I think of Christmas, and the parts that everyone plays. I'm not a Mary, never been good with babies or mess. Definitely not a Joseph, not quite got the beard yet. Wise man - except I lack common sense. Angel? (Now we are just being silly!). Shepherd - looks after their flock - yea. That's me. The keeper of the flock. I think of my own Christmases, and what my role is, which is generally looking after people and caring for them. My own flock of young people is more like herding cats than sheep at times, but my job as the shepherd is to let them wander and to remain there to protect and guard them. I count them in at night and count them out in the morning. I call them each by name and know their tricks and habits. I would defend them to the end. They are my flock and it is my job to give them the food, water, and shelter that they need to feel loved and warm. Whilst the Mary's of this world will be pandering over their own children this Christmas, my role is as a shepherd of the world to care for others whom I have no biological bond to. The wise men of the world will be bringing expensive gifts to give to babies, and the angels will be singing in the choirs at church. I'll be sending a text to see if my flock are having a good day. Because that's who I am, that's my role at the moment, to shepherd. <br />
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So why were the shepherds in the story? Well, I bet that the bit that the Christmas story misses out is the bit where the shepherds are making tea for everyone and getting enough blankets and food, and looking after the animals so they didn't wake up the baby. The shepherds run around in the background keeping the world in equilibrium and making sure people are happy. Every walk of life needs a shepherd, and everyone will probably know a shepherd - the person who looks after the flock. Maybe you are the shepherd, who knows? <br />
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One thing I have realised this Christmas is that I might not be an angel, but without the shepherds like me the Christmas story wouldn't be the Christmas story. We all have our part to play, and it is our job to play it to the best of our ability - so remember the Christmas story as you celebrate today, and remember to take the light of the star that guided the shepherds and wise men to the stable, and use it to shine on your daily lives and work.<br />
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Happy Christmas, God bless. <br />
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Fihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/11235726664557007743noreply@blogger.com0