Philosophy of Fi...
Saturday 24 December 2016
The best gift of all
I've just spent 5 days in France with my brother and Jen, taking this year's cumulative total up to 21 days (this is the most time I've spent with him probably in the last 8 years). Not because we don't like each other, but because he's lived in Dublin and now in rural France. It's hard to pop over for an evening. The time I spend with my brother is therefore very special.
He's a total douche, of course, but only in the way that a brother can be. Within 30 seconds of seeing him, he tried to trip me over. Going to the zoo and "pecking me", or making bird noises behind me. Taking the piss out of me like only a big brother is allowed to.
When we were kids I have really fond memories of my brother and I building dens and playing together. One day he made a spiders web across his room as a sort of assault course for me. Another time I couldn't get my Easter egg to break so he kindly kicked it against the wall (chocolate everywhere!). We camped out in his tent in the garden as kids, and played football in the park.
But as we got older, he moved away and work took him abroad. He dated some (awful) women and then settled happily with Jen and his tiny family in his tiny house in France. I stayed at home and focused on work and study, trying to earn as much as possible by working in as many jobs as I can so that I can travel often.
It's so lovely to see my brother, and spend time with him when I can - because nothing has changed. There's never a weird awkwardness, only the already awkward weirdness that I bring with me to every situation - that my brother is very much accustomed to.
Even though time moves on and our lives meander along - albeit his more like a raging torrent and mine like a trickle - there is nothing better than hanging out with your sibling. My first friend and my greatest protector. I'm so lucky to have a big brother - who has taught me so much and who I adore.
So this Christmas, the best gift is time spent with family. The ones who irritate you and annoy you, because they love you.
Monday 19 September 2016
You can't save them all....
Tuesday 13 September 2016
Saudades
Tuesday 6 September 2016
Can you handle me...?
My doubts and fears,
Would shock you
If I brought them out.
I know you know
All of that exists,
And you know it exists in me,
But you would rather,
Let it all remain anonymous.
And so I am alone
With my uncertainty about God,
My preoccupations with sex in a sex-orientated world,
My worries about my education and future,
The ambiguous relationship to you,
And the difficulties with my friends.
I know you are afraid to become vulnerable:
You would be embarrassed
To see another side of me
And to show another side of yourself;
And you don’t want our relationship to change
Even though it is phony in parts;
And above all
You want everything to remain predicatable
Because you love your peace too dearly.
And so I have very little choice
But to keep everything inside of me
To try to work it out
Alone
But if you let me talk,
If you invited me to talk
And could listen
Without being shocked
Without remaining aloof for your protection
Without immediately having all the answers
(even though I think you have answers
And good ones too)
Without playing therole of the knwoing parent,
If you could enter into the process of my life
And be beside me,
Then
That would mark the passage
From father/son to father/friend
And we could see each other in a new way:
We would be brothers.
You can be someone's superhero. You can change their lives. Let them change yours, I don't promise it will be easy, but I promise it will be worth it.